Anger is like a fire. Once it hits the oxygen in the air and ignites it just keeps on burning. And if it gets burning too hot, nothing can put it out. Thats how anger is for me. Unless I am removed from an enraging situation, it gets worse and worse. It is the one thing I abhor in my life, and the one thing that I can't seem to rid myself of. Last summer me and my dad got into a fight about my messy room. He got frustrated and kicked over my bookcase. I made the mistake of letting the anger get the better of me. I kicked my dad in the stomach right after he had had a hernia surgery. I feel horrible about it now, and I apoligized for it later but for that one moment I lost it. Then my dad, who has similar issues lost it as well and we started beating on each other. Cops were called by my mom. Thank God that was the only time we ever got physical. But that time I wasn't removed from the situation. That's why it got so bad and that's why it is so important for people like me, including me, to get help. I'm not saying you have to go and admit yourself to a mental institution because you think you are a danger, but don't make the mistake I did. Get help before it gets that bad. If you feel the anger building JUST LEAVE! I have made that mistake not to so many times. Today me and my mom got into yelling at each other and my little brother finally had enough. He shouted from his room, "Just SHUTUP!" And let me tell you. That is the worst feeling in the world to know that you hurt your little brother so bad, that his voice cracks when he shouts he is so upset and fed up with all of the shouting that you cause...I feel so responsible for his pain right now, and I don't know what to do to make it right.
July 19, 2011