To The One Person I Thought I Loved.

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Dear you,
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For so long I believed that you and I were special. I believed that there was nobody else in this world that could ever be as close as we were. For years and years you were the one person in which my whole life revolved around and the one person I trusted the most. You always listened, you never judged, you always cared.
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I suppose that by attaching myself to you, the void, that was the only legacy of my my fathers absence, began to cease. The mere fact that you were there for me , and that you gave me the attention in which I deeply yearned for, was overwhelmingly unfamiliar and delightful to me to the point where any other friendship qualities in which you lacked became utterly insignificant. My perpetual belief that you were my best friend was a comfort in my life, a safety net.
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I can't explain how I feel right now. My words are replaced by the cold sensation that invades my body each time I picture you both on the couch – his body on yours, your fingers entwined in his hair- and my tears are my only punctuation. And you knew. I won't defy my envy nor my disgust, but neither will I voice them. My head still throbs and my body aches with the aftermath of tension.
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For so long I believed that you were a necessity in my life, that I couldn't possibly enjoy myself in your absence but I was wrong. There's nothing in you that I need. We've both made horrible mistakes, and I take full responsibility for mine, but what you did was tangible proof that there's nothing worth saving in our friendship. In the past, yes , maybe – we've fought and disagreed on numerous things, but somehow we'd work around it and move on. You've disappointed me so many times it's ridiculous. I'd fallen into such an intense dereliction that I'd never want to confront you but instead blame myself for the things you did. It was cowardly, and stupid, I know, and I regret it.
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But it's too late now. Whatever illusions I had about you completely obliterated last night. Your true colors, character, and morals were proudly displayed. In vino veritas. Last night, I went to bed knowing two things ; one, that in the last four hours my fractured sense of self-worth had only deteriorated, and two, that this was the end – the sickening culmination to our friendship.
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With Love,
Otua





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