I asked him to count the stars; he looked up and whispered “one hundred million.” I told him he was crazy, and smiled insanely. He found the big dipper, as I found comfort in his arm around me. I took a deep breath and sighed…trying to keep myself from feeling what I couldn’t, trying to accept the fact that this, once again, was just another meaningless friday night, but what I couldn’t explain was the fact that you kept coming back when the whole world would stop turning to be laying where I was with you. Only you, on nights like these, could make me feel so insecure and so confident at the same time, so ready to run away but run back just so I could settle down. You knew all along, which gave the night more excitement, if you wanted me, you knew there was no way I’d be able to say no…because who could? So, I, like many before me, gave in to you, I told you what you wanted to hear, and you showed me what I wanted to see, and I felt the way I wasn’t supposed to feel. I woke up feeling different, and defeated…a big slap of regret for breakfast. You were my summer, and now you’re someone else’s year. Don’t baby me. Don’t feel sorry for me. Don’t even call me and act like something we both know we’re not. See, that was what you always liked best about me, I could handle the truth while the others begged to be something. So, deep in my heart I know that’s why you kept coming back…because in reality it wasn’t you that I couldn’t have, it was I, that you couldn’t have.
June 28, 2011