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No Air

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Ella closed her laptop, grabbed her headphones, blasted her music and crawled on her bed. She was hurting so badly. If felt as if every atom of her body missed him. Her heart ached, she was exhausted, her head felt too heavy and everything was just a confusing haze. She buried her head in her pillow as the tears began flooding her vision.

Flashbacks kept flying by as she lay there. Seeing him again for the first time; sitting next to him in the movies; talking to him for hours while lying in the grass…
Gradually she felt reality dissolving around her while the past took its place – Elle and Nicholas were standing outside during the party, but decided to go in and leave behind the air filled with the grimy cigarette smoke. As they made their way through the think crowd of people, the soft thump of the music slowly started to grow louder until it completely engulfed you. They stood to the side of the crowd of swaying, sweaty bodies and grinned at a lame couple nearby. The boy was Nick’s oh-so-desperate yet chauvinistic best friend and he was sucking the girl’s face.

As Elle turned around, Nick looked in her eyes and they put their arms around one another, slightly awkward but not minding in the least, as both Elle as well as Nick were grateful for the vulnerable closeness they shared. After a while she pulled her head away from his shoulders and looked in his eyes once again. Before she knew it, his lips began edging closer to hers, and her body felt overwhelmed by the driven, panicked excitement. Then her lips touched his for the first time, and nothing else seemed to matter.

After what seemed like an eternity they pulled away and he quickly kissed her lips for the second time before getting pulled away by his friend, who winked and grinned before taking Nick away form her. Elle touched her moist lips in a trance.

She opened her eyes and reality sank back in. It felt as if there was a giant hole in her chest as she remembered how Nick had quickly pressed his lips against her cheek before leaving that night.
Her iPod began playing a new song and she froze in shock. It was their song. From the perfect yet most painful night she had ever experienced. One again her memories tugged her away and she remembered running, running as fast as she could. She had already said goodbye to Nick that night but it was so painful and she simply had to see him again. Once they reunited she leaped in his arms and everything seemed all right again. They wandered around the city towards his house, oblivious to their surroundings and caught up in their own bubble. They had lain on his bed talking for hours, his arms wrapped around her and her head resting on his chest. Their song was softly playing in the background and everything was absolutely perfect. Sometimes his cheek brushed against hers innocently and she could feel his eyelashes tickling her skin as they brushed past.
Time had flown by as if merely seconds had passed; yet everything seemed slurred at the same time. It had grown dark by the time they left the house. He gently put his arm around her as she intertwined her fingers with his. Soon, much too soon, they had reached her house and had to once again say goodbye. Once again their lips touched and shared the sweetest of kisses.
But everything has to end and they let go of one another unwillingly. Softly he whispered his goodbye. She watched him silently as he walked away under the subdued glow of the streetlight and as he turned around the corner with his hands shoved in his pockets she began shaking and tears streamed down her face. She jammed her key in the lock and pushed inside, feeling as if someone had ripped her heart out.

The rest of the time since then was a blur. Sitting on the airplane, arriving home, unpacking – everything seemed irrelevant. Only Nick’s face remained clear throughout everything that had happened.

Elle sat up on her bed, gasping for breath. If only time would just speed up so she could see him once again, or would rewind to back when she was wrapped in his arms.
Breathing heavily, the pain slowly began ebbing away as she drifted off into sleep… waiting to pounce once again as soon as she woke up and tried to get through another day without him by her side.




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