Goodbye

By , Tarpon springs, FL
Dear Self harm,razors,knives and blades.
First let me say how much I hate how I let you take over my life. I relied on you rather than people. No matter how I would fight the urges if it was music or dancing you came back either when I was happy or in my dreams where I thought I could escape. I couldn't even then. It's my fault for letting you come into my life in the first place. The reason you came into my life though was not my fault, I was afraid of him coming after me again you took advantage of that. You got into my thoughts deep in my brain. After, you took that you got into my heart. The best aspect of me. That's when my friends and family got worried. They couldn't see the scars or the marks for about a year but they knew something was in me that wasn't before. That was you. The thoughts that I wasn't good enough,pretty enough,or thin enough came from you. Because now you're out of my life and I believe I am beautiful. I believe that I am worth it. There are days that you conquer my thoughts again and on those days I cry. Instead of harming my body I cry. When I had you in my life I won't lie part of me loved it but then I realized it was because you manipulated me. You told me I can control my emotions from harming my body. You did exactly what he did-lied to me and had control over me for years. I will do to you what I did to him have the courage to talk about it,put you in your place and where you belong. Which is nowhere in my head especially nowhere in my heart. Being over four months without you, I can't say I miss you. I have my days where I want to go exactly where I know I left you in the drawer in my bedside. But now I am cleaning out that drawer. When things go wrong I will go to my best friend or people that care. You don't and never did. This is goodbye. Goodbye forever. I am not going back again.
Goodbye.





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