Have you ever felt like just giving up? I often feel like this, I have severe depression disorder, and bipolar disorder. Doing every day things is hard for me, I am severely anti-social. Its hard for me to make friends because I don't trust other people, half the time I find myself watching sad and depressing things or reading depressing things just dwelling on them. I don't know why I do it I realize its not a healthy thing to do, half of the time I have to look up on YouTube top ten happy songs just to make me feel better. I have always been depressed because I had a bad childhood I realize its in the past but I still act like its in the present. I did good for a long time when I had a boyfriend, but then I started pushing him away just like everything else in my life. We did good for awhile but I found myself using him it was like he was just there. It was just to have him, the idea of him loving me, I soon found out I didn't love him like I should. He did everything and I didn't realize what I had until I lost it. I always have alot on my mind and my feelings overwhelm me so there is not enough space to even write it all. I use to have friends but I always pushed them away I don't know how to cope with the world. I dropped out of school and it was so stupid of me to because I always said I wouldn't.
June 21, 2011