A Geek’s Guide to Love This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

June 18, 2011
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It's spring. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and love is in the air. Perhaps you've been noticing how cute that boy in your AP biology class looks without his protective goggles on, or maybe how that girl in your SAT prep classes (that you're retaking just to be safe, even though you got a 2300 the first time) has been sporting a sexy new backpack, equipped with an extra pocket for a mini dictionary and graphing calculator. Yes, love is all around us, and we're all dying to find that special someone.

Now, we geeks are not known for our social skills, but with a couple of easy tips, you'll be able to get a date faster than you can complete a complex trigonometric equation. (Trig is easy. We mastered that in third grade.)

First you need a catchy pick-up line. For example, you could approach that attractive girl/boy in your chemistry class and say, “You must be really electronegative, because I'm highly attracted to you.” Or if it's a physics student who catches your eye, you could try, “I think I'm falling for you, and it's not just because of Newton's law of universal gravitation.” No sexy supergeek will be able to resist your charm.

Now that you've successfully asked out the guy/girl of your dreams, it's time to plan the date. (Date [n]: A word used by non-geeks that refers to socializing with one's significant other outside of school.) Despite the fact that a date takes up hours of precious studying time, it seems to be a very popular activity. But don't worry – you can plan a date with just the right mix of academics and romance.

Many geeks accompany each other to the library, where a romantic afternoon can be spent reading Shakespeare's love poems or researching courtship in the Middle Ages. If you get tired of the library (as if that's possible), you can always take your special someone to the museum and perhaps share an ice cream while discussing the techniques of post-Impressionism. Or if the geek you're interested in is more of a homebody, you can just spend some time staring into each other's eyes, thinking deeply about the electro-chemical impulses in your photoreceptors that connect light with movement.

If all goes well, you'll soon be involved in a whirlwind romance with the geek of your dreams. It might not seem as great as achieving a 4.0 GPA or writing the perfect research paper, but studies have shown that those with life partners live longer on average. (Yay, more studying time!) So go polish that pocket protector and get out there!

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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hewsonjew said...
Jun. 5, 2013 at 8:28 pm
ehhh, i prefer math pickup lines like "Hey, I just failed my calculus test, cause I could never replace anything with "u"" or "are you the one? Cause you're sin(pi/2) or cos0"
wishingtheskywasbluer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 11, 2012 at 1:55 am
hahaha i am adding this to my favorites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BloglessBlogger said...
May 29, 2012 at 3:39 pm
I hope I'm not that bad. It seems like something my friend would tell me...
TheMouseWins said...
May 28, 2012 at 6:40 pm
Borderline offensive. I loved it.
CrazyNerdyFangirl said...
Feb. 9, 2012 at 12:23 am
This is adorable. :D
bandgeek2011 said...
Jan. 23, 2012 at 8:17 pm
This reminds me of my boyfriend, and defiantly made me smile. This is great, keep writing:)
wavesofwishes said...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 2:59 pm
I loved this! It was so cute, it definitely made me smile. Good job! :)
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