The Girl In The Mirror.

By , Eagle Creek, OR
We've all been to those carnivals where they have the fun mirrors which distort your image. Now imagine every time you saw your image, your eyes deceived yourself and the person you saw was altered and twisted.

In my eyes I am a completely other person then who those around me see. I'm often called skinny, or "tiny", but the girl I see is quite the opposite. No matter how much I do to lose weight, the girl standing in the mirror grows larger and larger, and every time I see her I completely fall to pieces.

Living with BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder), is challenging every day. Every morning I first put on my makeup, then do my hair, and finally.. the dreaded outfit picking. I look for clothes that will make me feel and appear small, but once I put it on I feel like an elephant. I at times breakdown, and won't go to school, let alone public because of how fat I look. I avoid looking in the mirror before I put my clothes on in hopes that I won't breakdown about how large I am. It literally is a routine to me, and I can't go a day without breaking down.

One of the most difficult things about having BDD is the fact that I can't talk to anybody about how fat I am, because the second I make a comment about my body, they jump on me and say things about how "I'm looking for attention", or "You need therapy". They just don't understand that we see completely different people. I mean I do believe that therapy would help and all, but I don't want therapy because I feel like if I seek help, then they will want me to gain weight, and I'm just not ready to.





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