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Whispers of a Friend

Maybe its because I expected you to grow up in the same amount of time that I had to, forced to live your entire life in one year. Maybe its because at one point I thought that I might love you, but then you kept hurting me.

The days would pass and I continued to see you at school when I was with him. You would walk the other way, but when we were alone you said he wasn't good enough for me. You were angry that he hurt and used me, and I never would have thought that you would get me into that too. At first you were disappointed and sad when I started skipping classes, but then you started asking me to skip with you. You were furious when you found out I smoked and drank, and yet you did worse things yourself. I came to school with a cold one day and you scream at me for snorting stuff?! Uhm, HELLO?
I ran, your words continued to lash out behind me but I just kept running.
Today I was with you and her. Two if my friends. You were talking to her and I walked up and said "Back off my woman." I was kidding. She laughed. You started screaming again. My head was pounding, I couldn't take it anymore, I tell her I'll see her at lunch and leave, but you keep yelling.
Another day, I ask you to watch my backpack, you say sure. I leave, and come back, you went through it??? You made a huge seen because you touched some brand new unused unopened pads. NEWSFLASH: I AM A GIRL.
You hurt me, I had a migraine, so I asked my brother to pick me up early. You see me and have the NERVE to apologize, the NERVE to say you love me? "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." you said. Yeah, you never MEAN to, but you still do.
Everyday I see you, you've managed to find a new and more intense way to hurt me, and I hate it.
What happened to the sweet guy who sang Eminem songs with me in the back of the classroom when I was there? What happened to the person I would pass notes with during math class? Where did the guy go? The one I always went to when I was hurt. What changed?
I wonder why in this year I've grow up... and you've only gotten worse. You call me to makes jokes about me and then wonder why I don't call you back? Its becoming unbearable...
I hate how you make me feel guilty now, you make my heart and soul ache, and I can barely recall our time together in math class before, when I first fell for you.
Its not that I'm in love with you.
I guess that I just fell in love with our friendship.

Everyday I think about how different you are, and how I hate you now. But I still can't leave, as long as I remember our whispers in the back of the room.
The whispers of you lost...
The whispers of a friend...



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