wheres my daddy

May 5, 2011
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But the one that honestly hit me was at Christmas time. When I lived I’m my home town Rochester, NY. My Dad and My 2 sisters been having troubles with money and my biggest sister Kasey who was basically taking care of My other big sister Kaliegh And me being like the mom. Putting aside her teen years to be with her little sisters.
I don’t remember much, but every Christmas, the tree was glowing, Christmas shows playing, candles were lit. It was like a very perfect Christmas episode on T.V.
Stockings were full of all our favorites and under the Christmas tree it was over flowing with presents. Where did all that go? And why this Christmas was so much more different I really can’t answer. This year wasn’t a regular cherry cheeks, lighted tree, present mania full of smiles and laughter. And again why?
I Came down stairs and woke up with nothing under the tree. I couldn’t believe my dad happened to be the Grinch who stole Christmas. I remember him waking up and lighting a cigarette and just looking miserable. No “Merry Christmas” or “Good Morning!” My big sisters Kasey and Kaliegh were the ones trying to make the Christmas. I remember my dad just failing and yelling because he couldn’t do things for us that he used to. I heard him; I just never understood anything he was talking about. The only thing I knew is he couldn’t work anymore, and he started something that put him in the deepest hole for money. And respect. Things changed. And I may have been young but I still knew something was up, I just didn’t really know how bad it really was. I wanted my daddy back. He was gone and so was everything he happened to be. I looked up to him I cried for him at night when I couldn’t do anything else. He was my Superhero. I don’t know how everything happened. I just wanted it to stop. It hurt to know I knew some of the things I did at the age I was at the time. I knew he was hurting emotionally and mentally but those black holes weren’t helping him physically either. My dad loves his daughters, we all know it now, but then, we were questioning it.
There may have been snow on the ground, may I say a lot and still falling. There was sledding and Christmas lights on almost every house around us. But the one thing I was missing was my daddy. The daddy I loved and counted on for everything. The look in his eyes that Christmas and for the next 5 years or so on, the tears in his voice every time he had spoken, I didn’t like it. Nobody did. It was miserable. That one Christmas still lingers in my head because that was the last I’ve seen my dad and the fact that I know he had problems and I couldn’t do anything to help. I love my dad and I always have. I look up to him more than ever and respect him even more now that he has lost all 3 daughters with no second chances and now that he has there’s nothing he’d put above us.
I just wish that Christmas I could’ve one something, anything, instead of getting older and being bad. But I didn’t and I couldn’t. From that Christmas on we barely spoke and speak anymore. I just want him back.

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