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An Immortalized Dream
I havent had a vivid dream in quite a while.I dont think ive been at peace enough to experience one.
I awoke a few moments ago to remember my dream in its entirety,down to some of the smallest details.
It was so real...
I cant stand when im that intuned with my thoughts and fantasies.To dream to the point where i begin to think its real only to wake up to the ever present nightmare that is our dear planet and the faceless that rest upon it.
Why must it always be so dissapointing to wake from these surreal fabrications?
My dream involved Myself,2 of my friends, and her.
We were all standing outside of a school,conversating and having a good time.
Surrounded by people and realizing our general dislike for them,we all decided to go inside the building to escape the crowds that surrounded us.
Upon opening the door,we entered a room that looked much like a common household living room.
There was a segmented couch that stretched to the three corners of the room,with a massive TV standing atop a pedestal in the last corner.
Suppose the couch was a "V" but the "V" was fitted to a perfect 90 degree angle.I sat on the left end,she sat on the right,while my 2 friends sat close to one another on the bottom.
And we sat there watching a movie,i dont know how long exactly but it was a short amount of time.
Suddenly i noticed her facial expression change to that of a sad one.
In this dream world,everything that happened here had happened there.I knew this in my dream and yet even though my presence wasnt wanted i persisted to try and solicitate an emotional response,positive or negative,from her.
Much like i always did when she appeared sad,i got up and sat next to her and asked her "Whats wrong?".And i was given the usual response "Nothing".
Tears began forming in both our eyes as she turned to look at me.She did nothing but weep and turn away.I tried to grab her hand and she let it rest on hers but before i could speak,which i beileve i was incapable of in this paticular dream,she got up and walked to the opposite end of the couch.From there she continued to cry and stare at me while clutching a velvet pillow.
I wanted to help so bad,I wanted to make her pain stop.This feeling was much too familiar to me,even in my dream-state.And as i went to say the first words that myself could hear...
I woke up.
I gripped my pillow tightly,knowing how much i longed to be that close again.
And just as quickly coming to the revelation that i chose to burn that bridge and that scenario would and could never happen again.
Its sad to think i was so convinced of my hatred and one dream could wash that away like rain to a wildfire.
Im not sorry for my words,you may call it childish or even downright malicious but we all have our ways of venting our emotions.We've all had to let off some steam,no?
Though the question itself only shows how sorry i really am.In asking someone to relate to me,i seek approval and justification for something i beileve might've not been the right thing to do.
The only thing i can do is admit that in my anger i said things that werent true,or i took things that were and twisted them to sound...hurtful.
Reguardless,ive said what i said and i dont seek forgiveness or sympathy.I had this dream and merely wanted to convey my thoughts into words,it seems to me that writing these notes is my new medium.
Im not even depressed oddly,and im not wondering what shes doing or beating myself up about my reckless decisions.
Im just wishing that ill never have to wake from that dream again...