time to let go

May 2, 2011
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He was my brother, he was my hero, and I told him everything that I couldn’t tell other people. I loved him more than anyone in the world. All I wanted was for his heart to beat fast but steady with love for me, to be a big brother and to have his face light up when he saw me. Unfortunately not everyone gets what they want, especially me.

It was a bright, wonderful Sunday when we got the call, the call that changed my life in every which way. I knew something was wrong, someone was leaving my life and I wasn’t going to get a good-bye. He ran, he hid, he got sick, got caught, rushed out, and put away. My heart was broken; bits and pieces flew everywhere cracking me in half. The day that he left for 11 months was the day that the happy, nice 13 –year old girl inside of me died, gone forever, so hard to find, so hard to remember. When she left, she left her shell empty and alone. I was just an empty shell of anger, sadness, and cruelness walking the earth searching. For 7 whole months this shell of me got violent, rude and rebelled against everything and everyone. I couldn’t search any longer for myself because I didn’t have my hero to save the day. I hadn’t talk nor see him for 8 months. My shell is empty the girl is gone, she isn’t coming back.

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