Relative Siblings

April 25, 2011
By , Florence, AZ
I have a rather large family, it starts with my father being the oldest: David age 49, Mary age 38, Lee age 16, Roman age 14, Garrison age 12, Chandler age 10, Nathan age 5, and McKenna age 3. Each person in this tribe is a completely different individual. Each member has their own unique way of doing things, as well as their own overall attitude. Family members can be broken down into five different groups: the Spoiled Child, the Informer, the Liar, the Instigator, and the most notorious the Whiner/Captain Obvious. (If needed return to this paragraph to see ages of each person)
1. The Spoiled Child

Each family has a Spoiled Child that has special requirements, treatment, and overall better possessions. In my family the Spoiled Child is the baby sister. Nine out of ten experts agree that the Spoiled Child is usually the youngest, the tenth expert was the Spoiled Child. The Spoiled Child can do nothing wrong for they are perfect and favored out of the group. In small family which consist of only a single child that only child will always be the Spoiled Child. The Spoiled Child gets what they want whenever they want. For example, the other day McKenna (If needed return to paragraph one to see ages of each person) wanted a scooby-doo fruit snack. Unfortunately we were out of fruit snacks due to the fact that McKenna had eaten them all yesterday. McKenna found this unacceptable and began to throw a fit and started crying uncontrollably. My mother assessed the situation and comforted the brat to stop her from crying. The Spoiled Child knows that he/she can get away with almost anything and takes full advantage of it.
2. The Informer

In most families there is also the Informer, known better as the snitch. The snitch is cunning and seeks to become a spoiled child. They will not hesitate to throw you under the bus to gain more favor in the household. Informers have no loyalties and are often one of the youngest. This is because they were the youngest at one time, but another child was born in their place and have a hard time adapting to unfavored conditions. In some extreme cases the spoiled child can also be a snitch. It is not uncommon for the spoiled child to want something and to snitch their way to get it. In my family unit the Informer/Snitch is Chandler. If you'll notice Chandler is ten and the next youngest is Nathan who is five. So for about five years, Chandler was the youngest child, who was very spoiled. I'll give an example of this cunning member at work. My brother Roman was playing with a Nerf Gun upstairs in the playroom. Chandler walked into the room and sat down next to Roman. Chandler then asked Roman if he could shoot him “for fun”. Roman then shot Chandler with the weakest Nerf gun in the world. Chandler then cried out, “Roman keeps shooting me with the Nerf gun!” My father was then furious and punished Roman and took the Nerf gun away. While Roman was sent to his room Chandler was now free to play with the Nerf gun and anything available in the Playroom. The Informer will stop at nothing to become a spoon-feed child.
3. The Liar

I believe I am safe in saying that every family has at least one Liar. One who will not tell the truth and will do so to obtain anything he/she desires. The Liar seeks to appear perfect and is the arch-nemesis of the spoiled child. They have recognized that the spoiled child is treated better and seek to lie their way to perfection. It is very common for the liar to completely change the story, in order to give itself the better ground in a verbal debate. This concept applies to all areas mostly politics (President Nixon) and construction (The lazy worker). The Liar is generally the middle child or one of the youngest. They have mastered the art of lying and use it in sync with snitching. For example, my parents were both out working and being the oldest I was left to baby sit. Nathan was playing with a dinosaur toy and I was thirsty so went downstairs to get a drink. I came back up to check on Nathan and looked on the ground. I found that the dinosaur toy he was just playing with was now broken so I inquired of him.

“Nathan, who broke that toy?” He simply replied, almost out of habit,

“McKenna broke it.” It still boggles my mind that he expects me to believe this. Liars have to be very smart people to remember all their lies and often get caught in the act of lying.
4. The Instigator

The Instigator is a professional at teasing and does it's best to start a quarrel. The Instigator is usually the child in the upper spectrum of children and not quite the oldest. The Instigator recognizes that it is too old to become a spoiled child and does it's best to make the spoiled child's perfect life a living hell. The Instigator also is often a liar as well, for it must be if it wishes to tease and then pretend nothing happened. The Instigator is smart, for it knows too well that if it harms the perfect child that it will be subject to breaking the law. For harming the spoiled brat in most family units is seldom tolerated. The Instigator has masted it's profession to the point where it is habit. In my family this individual is Garrison, who will tease unrelentingly. For example, Garrison was playing a game of Call of Duty: Black Ops against Chandler. Garrison was obviously better at the game and did not hesitate to point it this out to Chandler.

“Chandler you suck at this game.”

“No I don't!”

“Yes, you do look at your score.”

“Shut up!” Garrison had done it he had gotten to Chandler. The seed of rage had been planted and all Garrison had to do was keep playing. Five minutes later the game ended and Garrison emerged victorious.

“I told you that you suck.” Chandler was now furious and began to hit Garrison. Garrison acted quickly and called for help.

“Chandler is hitting me!” My father pounced like a lion and removed Chandler. He asked Garrison,

“What is this all about!”

“Chandler started hitting me because he lost.” Garrison had successfully completed his mission and had gotten Chandler in trouble. Garrison knew out of years of practice that Chandler would strike first and he in turn would be in trouble. Instigators will make life hell for anyone that has hint of being favored.
5. The Whiner/Captain Obvious

The next elite group to be classified is the Whiner better known for being Captain Obvious. The Whiner will complain, whine, moan, gripe and groan about anything that does not seem ideal to them. This behavior is formed indirectly from the oldest child. The Whiner sees the freedoms given to the oldest and looks upon it's freedoms to be unsatisfactory. In most cases this child is the second oldest or is normally a young teenager. This annoying behavior is common among bosses or principals. Most experts agree that Whiners become great business leaders because they refuse to work hard and love to complain and point out everyone's mistakes. To prepare for such great occupations they must practice in their household and will not rest until everyone is perfect or life is fair. Which we all know will never happen. In my home this notorious individual is Roman, a young teenager, being the second oldest he is the definition of a Whiner. Unfortunately this elite group is very susceptible to instigators, but when faced with teasing and taunting will not hesitate to snitch or whine which ever is more suitable for given conditions. At one time my brother Roman's room was unclean. And this was because my brother Chandler has used it for a sleep-over. Roman refused to clean it and complained how it was Chandler's fault. But, at the moment Chandler was not home and was not there to clean it. So my mother offered to help Roman clean it. Roman dismissed the idea without thinking twice. And proceeded to complain about unfair treatment until Chandler came home.
“Chandler's room isn't clean either why did you let him go over to a friend's house.” My mom responded quickly.
“I didn't know that it was dirty I'm sorry.”
“But, you still let him go over without cleaning it right?”
“Yes, but..”
“So I should be able to go over to my friend's without cleaning it too!”
Whiners will use any means to obtain more ideal conditions for themselves.

Each member of a family falls under one of these specific categories. And in some extreme cases a member can be a mixture of both or a combination of all. Everyone may be different, but deep inside they seek favor from the parents and will do this without question through several different methods. The only child that is safe from these practices is the oldest child. The oldest is perfect and should be treated as such. Even though the oldest is perfect the other five groups of family members will seek to blame everything on the oldest. And in turn everything is put on the oldest child's shoulders. Beware of this thinking for it a secret effort put forth by a notorious whiner who does not approve of the given conditions and enlists all aid to help him in this misconception. Parents, I urge you to look past the blame and see your perfect child your first child. ME!

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