April 24, 2011
By , West Orange, NJ
I've been like this all of my life. I've always been a people pleaser.

 Age 4: "Will you get this for me?"
"Sure, Mommy."
"Aww, thank you sweetie." 

Each time, it was the same. Each year, it was the same. The only thing that changed was the nickname. They ranged from love to sweetheart to dollface. What does that even mean? But I didn't care. I just smiled and skipped off. 'Twas no big deal. Then, in 4th grade, I decided to try and be a rebel against society's pressures. Someone asked if I would go and get them a soda from the fridge. And I said, "No thanks. God gave you legs too, ya know." Then, this person totally flipped out and did not speak to me for about a week. After that, I decided not to try anymore stunts like that. 

Growing up, whenever I did this I thought I was just being nice. But recently, I have been noticing just how out of hand this has gotten. In sixth grade, my homeroom teacher started this afterschool activity. I said why not and joined. Turns out, I ended up being really good at it. It was forensics. Public speaking forensics, not the science. Then, the next year, a lot of my friends quit. But I still did it. So as not to disappoint my old teacher who adored me. By the last competition, I grew completely sick of it and swore to myself I wouldn't do this next year. The start of eighth grade came by and guess who was stuck doing forensics? Yes, me. But I only did 3 competitions, and I didn't force myself to try out for the fourth one. And I couldn't even tell them I was quitting face to face. I did it over email. 

And it doesn't even end there. One day, my uncle came over. He handed me 4 disks, on
two in each hand. He said, "These two are blank. Can you burn the contents of the other two onto each of them?" I thought I knew how, so I said yes. He then said, " I think you should be able to fit the files of the two in each of the blank ones. Otherwise, just do one for each." So I went to the iMac, sat down, and got to work. First I took the cd with the files on it marked 1 and downloaded it onto my desktop. Then, I went through each of the other ones individually and burned it onto them. I then downloaded the other cd with files on it onto my desktop. I went to repeat the process onthe blank cds, and it said there was no room left. So, I thought, let me just delete the files on this one, and download the files from the second cd onto this one. But, the files could not be deleted. I swear, I spent an hour and a half just sitting there trying to delete them. All the while, thinking 'I'm screwed. I'm screwed. I'm screwed.' Eventually, I gave him all the cds and acted as if everything was perfectly fine. When in truth, I probably should've told him the truth. And since then, I start hyperventialating every time that I think about it.

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