Learning to not care

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Love Sucks. Story of my life.
How can I compete with someone I love? Knowing that my happiness would only mean her sorrow. I´m torn. Half jealous, half content. Half in love, half in misery. Between two people I love. Two people who hurted me. My best friend and the guy I love. How original, right? And the thing is I really believe he is the one, but at the time when he came to me, I was simply not ready. There- I said it- I was scared. Scared of him, of what I was feeling, of us. He once said it. How we would find our ways back to eachother at the end. Does he still believe that? Or is it his turn to remain cynical? It doesn´t matter anyway. What is done is done and there is no going back. Having him back would only mean losing her. I can´t bear that. At first, I wanted to hate him. Of all the girls in town he had to chose my best friend to date. But then I only ended hating myself for trying to blame him of something that was entirely my fault.
We were toxic. Bad for eachother. We hurted eachother in ways that were the worst. But they, they are perfect. They love the same things, do the same things. They are modern Queen Victoria and King Albert. While we were Catherine and Heathcliff. We were just wrong.





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