The Way It Works

April 5, 2011
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my mind works way faster than anyone else's. carrying too many worries. jumping ahead. giving in. my emotional fear takes over my life. making me afraid of the word no. letting others get the best of me... and smush it up it up into tiny little pieces. leaving me with no hope to hold onto. just when I thought for a moment that I had it, you stopped. you took everything away from me. you took my heart, my love, but most of all, you took my pride. you took the things that help me move forward in this twisted, helpless world. you sicken me. help me? you crushed me. but guess what... I can't let it bother me now. you know why? because it is all gone. you do not know how many times I should have just stood up for myself. but nooo, I couldn't hurt you. in the end, you hurt me... taking my life away. do you find it normal that I feel worthless? so worthless I feel as I don't deserve a bed some nights and force myself to sleep on the floor. so worthless, that I thought about death... I thought about the one thing that pains my heart. dying. you pushed me over, hunny. and you never fixed it. aren't you excited that when I am gone, you can start over? aren't you thrilled to move on and crush someone else? but no, I can't let you do that, because I'm gonna save all of them and let you go through what I did. you watch, and you see...

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