April 7, 2011
By Anonymous

I ate an apple today, just one apple. I did not manage to finish it to it's core. I just ate around it. But I ate the apple, I spat the seeds out and I sucked on the
remains of the skin.
I wonder if people believe me when I say that I'm not hungry.
It should be pretty clear to everyone, I'm starving.
I was on ecstasy today and she didn't notice.
Sometimes I think to myself and wonder if anyone can hear what I'm saying.
I couldn't tell if I was alive today or not. I popped so many pills. And no one noticed.
People don't see that I throw up starvation, nor do they see me when i roll my eyes. But I am always rolling them.
I sometimes get a little iffy when the room starts to spin. I don't know if it's because I don't eat or I take to much drugs.
Every thing's a little dark right now, my heart hasn't bled but it will soon.
And the smell of my manicure still lays on the tips of my nails.. I can smell it so deeply if I press my fingertips against the edges of my nose.
People often wonder why I'm always biting on my nails and I wish I could tell them it is because I do not eat.
I don't eat because I am unhappy with my body, I just do not find thrill in the digestive system.
I've learned that my dance instructor isn't so happy with my company. At least this is the feeling i receive.
She looks at me oddly when I don't reply to her calling of my name, i only wish I could tell her it is because I'm doped up.
And every time I take a bight of the apple I cry a little more. As the voices in my head get louder, I cry a little more. I don't want to cry.
I don't want to eat if the voices will only get louder. I just want to be like them, I f***ing just want to be like them.
Please do not call me beautiful because I am ugly.
Mother retrieves the emotion that I am as happy as a bee but in reality i am full of nothing.
I can't this apple anymore because I'm afraid the voices I hear will shred my lungs into little pieces and everyone will laugh at me.
I shake as I type this up because I am a liar and Liars shake, I hope not to be judged and not to be frowned upon.
It'd be nice to have a significant other, to wrap his arms around my waist, even though I've never enjoyed that. I wonder why the E string of my guitar
always pops off. Am I not meant to play? Am I not meant for better like everyone says so.
Who knows.

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