I hate you.

I hate everything about you. I hate the way you look at me. I hate the way you smile, and I hate the way you talk. I hate the way you make me feel, I hate how I always think about you and I hate the way you walk. I hate the way things worked out. I hate the way you make me feel. I hate how sick you are. I hate you and most of all, I hate how I can’t hate you.

But I love how I fell for this so easily, and how I believed you. I love how miserable I am right now. I love how naive I was, or rather am, to love you. I love how you played with me, and I love the fact that even though I knew that I would end up this way, I still believed you.

I hate how much I love you, and yet I still can’t believe you. I can’t believe myself for doing this, I can’t believe that I believed you. I can’t believe that I let things get this far, I can’t believe the person that I have turned into. I can’t believe that I let you change me. I can’t believe that you are this low, but most importantly I can’t believe that I went this low for you.

I’m hurt. I was happy. I’m crying. I was smiling. I’m lonely. I thought I had you. I’m miserable. I thought I was better than this. I’m confused. I don’t even know what I want anymore. I don’t want you. I want you to be hurt, I want to hurt you, only as much as you hurt me cause I can’t take this anymore. I hate you. I love you. I hate how much I love you and yet I love how much I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. The only thing I know is that I want to hate you after all that you put me through. Unintentionally you might say, but we both know that you mean to. Given your reputation, we both know your motivation. I can’t take you. I can’t take this no more. No more do I want to be hurt by you.

So I ask you, will you please go? Go, and never come back. Don’t come back even though I know I’ll miss you. Even though I wish you never had to go. But deep inside I know that you have to go, and I need to let go. So I can be free once more, free from you and all you have put me through. And I beg you, please don’t look back, but do regret, regret what you put me through but I can never regret. Regret the fact that once I wanted you. But I never had you. Never did, never will and and most sadly never even know why. I hate you. Please go. Don’t you dare come back, but I will miss you. Because even though I hate admitting it, I once loved you.