My "Stranger Than Fiction" Experiment

March 15, 2011
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And so my experiment came and went, taking notes and tallies as to how the person I am interested reacted to whatever I said. Being awkward and all, it did not start out well. But first, a recap:
In the Marc Forster film Stranger Than Fiction, Harold Crick (Will Ferrell, easily at his best) thinks he's going crazy. Some woman is narrating his life. In order to figure out what kind of story he is actually in, and with the consultation of a professor of literary theory (Dustin Hoffman), he embarks on an experiment on seeing how his love interest reacts to him. This is to see whether he is in a comedy or a tragedy. And, quite unlike the classic films of Grant and Hepburn, the repartee is barely there, leading Crick to saying, at the end of his day, "This may sound like gibberish to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy."
My experiment started with me walking past her in order to gather my head around what could happen. When I finally saw her, I gave her a coffee drink to make up for the hot cocoa I had forgotten to give to her after she'd gotten little sleep a couple of weeks ago. This is not surprising, as I am notorious for giving out food. Her reaction was akin to being sent a drink at a bar and whisking it off, with surprise and grace. So, that's 1 for tragedy. Later, in English class, I was named student of the month, basically, for being a prude. I thought, Ha, I knew it would pay off some day! SO, that was 1 for comedy. I made a couple attempts to compliment on how gorgeous she looked, but really, with someone like her, you might as well just sit there and say it over and over again and, for the one speaking, the feeling would never change.
In Chinese class, I did something both geeky and incredibly pathetic. Being a Star Wars geek, I had never thought how genius Anakin Skywalker had been when he hit on Padme as a 12 year old. But he was!
Anakin: Are you an angel?
Padme: What?
Anakin: An angel; I heard the deep space pilots talk about them. They’re the most beautiful creatures in the universe. They live on the moons of Eigo, I think.
Really, how perfect can you get? Needless to say, I failed miserably. It was a rather crowded room, but, regardless, I still basically got a bemused look. So, that’s one for tragedy. I think, by that time, I had reached three for comedy and six for tragedy. She may or may not have laughed a couple of time at something I said, or at least replied for a sarcastic remark.
Health class was nothing to brag about either, as when I had asked her out, albeit casually, she didn’t know if she could make it. All I could think before this time was, Hey, I did it! I grew a spine and I actually acted on my feelings for once instead of the usual “loving from afar”. I was thinking of abandoning the third wheel idea, but I was still unsure. I still have no idea what exactly constitutes a good date. I realize that the point is to get to know someone, but really, asking someone out to dinner, as ideal as it would be for me, would probably just make me feel wretched when she said no. So, I was hopeful this time.
But, by lunch time, the system kind of broke down, as many systems do. Trying to find a window of opportunity to tell her I had feelings for her and that I really liked her and trying to remember to use the word “overzealous” to describe myself, I just sat at the table, continuing to make normal conversation and laugh and such, all the while sweating profusely. Or at least, it felt like I was seating. There’s that feeling where your body is some sort of bottle and someone pour boiling water into you, and you just steam up. From my ears down to my ankles, it was a fast transition in body temperature. I spoke to my friend about how indifferent said crush seemd about going to the movies and I then learned that she had forgotten about it. “I mentioned it to her this morning, like, ‘Are you doing anything this weekend?’ And she said, ‘No’ and I asked, ‘Well, I was going to have you ove,r are you sure you’re not doing anything?’ and she said, ‘Yeah’.” Well, gee, thanks. I didn’t know I was that forgettable.
That last bit of news rather bummed me out. And was, in its way, a self-destruct button for my experiment. I added two tallies to the tragedy section, because, if anything, it was certainly a sucker punch. Really, it was very depressing. I was highly looking forward to it. It would be my first date with someone, regardless of its casualness. That was my Harold Crick moment.
Walking up the stairs to the final period, Algebra II, I spoke with my friend James about how bad I felt that the whole thing was forgotten. His answer was to buck up and to ask her out, but in the way of asking someone to be your girlfriend. Personally, I thought he was mad. And then I started saying that it was so awkward and weird, his reply being, “that’s how society works.” Well, I said, “I dislike society!” I mean, I was under the impression, and my goal, was to transition from a series of casual dates to something more serious, and then it would become a relationship. But, society has kind of changed its methods, I guess.
I though, if there was any window of opportunity, the final of the day, to tell her I liked her a lot, it would be after school. I have not guts, no spine, etc. I’m Charlie Brown, in a way, and, I have a Little Red Haired Girl for whom I’d do anything for, except pluck up the courage to actually tell her I like her. But, to keep my fate from being that much sadder, I did follow her around like a little shadow for a few minutes. Finally, as she left, I followed her to her back that was left on a couch by the exit and entrance. I said, “Goodbye!”, and made a very strange pirouette in which I hugged her, grabbed her by the arms, spun her around and left her with, “I really like you” or something. I don’t completely remember what I said. All I recall was that it wasn’t particularly eloquent.
And so, that is the story of my one day experiment to see if my life was Stranger Than Fiction.

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