# Dear Arithmetic

March 15, 2011

I’ve been stuck at home every night for hours upon hours trying to solve you since I was in fifth grade.

From the very beginning you had me counting on my fingers and toes trying to come up with correct answer on my times table quizzes. Every individual should know how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide but let’s be real, who is ever going to need to do that stuff when letters and numbers are all jumbled up? It’s like trying to figure out a puzzle when one of the pieces is missing. Plus, that’s why calculators were invented. No one; except for a high school math teacher, maybe. Go away, we all hate you.

Story problems, you have made my grade point average heavily decrease over the years along with the rest of my fellow classmates. Thanks to you I have not passed a math test in roughly six years. You’re a long paragraph saturated with oodles of useless information and expect me to figure out what numbers to use. As a teenager, I have my own problems. How about, you figure out your problems on your own instead of wasting my time.

Here’s the question that we’ve all said once, twice, or everyday while sitting in class on the verge of brain destruction, “When are we going use this in life”? Hate to break it to you but we never will. We’re expected to clog our heads with numbers, equations, and times tables. Here’s the secret Arithmetic, I’ve cheated my way through the last four years of your class. If you think I’ve learned a single thing, guess again pal. Zilch.

Arithmetic I shall make you vanish from the universe. No more combinations of letters and numbers, calculators, math books, math assignments, or equations. No more sitting at home hour upon hours trying to solve you. With the snap of my fingers you will perish. Pooof! There will no longer be a trace of your existence. Fair well my hated rival.

Sincerely,