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My Life on Played Back on Television

Watching, late one night, some family videos recorded years ago, I was surprised to feel tears running down my cheeks. I grinned as I saw myself on the screen pestering my dad as he took the video. I laughed as my best friend and I—being only six or seven—made a tremendous mess in the basement. I witnessed beautiful moments where my sister and I would miraculously get along for a minute or two. I replayed my life and before my eyes I saw myself growing up.
I saw my dad carry me on one shoulder and my sister on the other as all three of us trekked through the snow after playing outside for hours. I saw unconditional love my mom showered upon me. Most importantly, I felt the tangible love in my family just by looking at a television screen.
Then I saw my dad gently push me out of sight as he video-taped my sister’s first words. I saw him move me out of the way so he could record my sister’s first steps. I saw him scold me for being in the way as he captured my sister innocently laughing on tape. I felt him shove me out of his heart as my sister entered.
I remember in the past my dad saying both me and my sister mean the same to him—that he would never pick one of us over the other. He loved me and I loved him. My sister loved him, and he loved her. My sister loved me, did I really love her? Little did I realize that my attitude from this time would carry over into the teen years of my life. Little did I know that all my future problem would stem from this past.
I remember in the past thinking where did I go wrong? and wondering why my dad was suddenly no longer by my side. I remember the feeling of rejection as I saw my starring role being snatched by my little sister. I remember the bitter feelings I harbored against my sister for so many years.

But now, several years later, I finally realize what had been going on. My sister wasn’t replacing me, she was merely another character added to my life. My dad wasn’t pushing me out of his heart, it was my unintentional decision to move out. My family still loved me—it always had and always will. The addition of new members to the family will only multiply the love. After adopting my new attitude, I began seeing change. I saw the four of us smiling as we together took on the challenges of life. I saw myself as part of the family, giving and receiving equal infinite love.

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