I can’t describe it, but I can tell you that it makes me sad. I can’t cry everyday; I don’t want to be hurt for a long time. If you look at me my smile will lie to you, but my eyes will tell you the honest truth. Sometimes I just want to cry. Sometimes I feel so unloved, unwanted, and stupid. I know that people have to deal with worst problems but I am not ready to deal with all this crap. Because of all the things that happened to me I have a lot of anger issues. I can’t even show people who I really am. I am tired of crying everyday. The only things I have are my friends. I can talk to them. I can’t even talk to my mother anymore. When I talk to her she just shuts me up in the middle of the conversation. I feel like if I tell her something she will think it’s my fault. My father is so over protective and both my parents stress out by a lot of stupid things. There are other things that concern me but if I start to talk about them I would start crying so hard. Sometimes I want to cry but I just cant. Sometimes I know that I should not cry in front of my friends, but if I let it out by crying I will fell a little better. Everything does not come easily to me. And I had to change to fit in with the people in my class, and now that I fit in I think, I can’t change back to who I really am. My heart has been hurt so much since I came here that if something else bad happens my heart will break up into a million pieces. I just cant deal with all this can someone please help me.
February 3, 2011