I’ve always been pretty good at plastering on that fake smile when I go to school and then peeling it off as soon as I got home. I guess that’s just how it is with depression, even mild depression. I didn’t want anyone else to feel bad for me and I didn’t want to dampen the mood of my friends so I kept quiet. Freshman year had just been kind of hard and everyone naturally hates third quarter anyway. Friends molding into true colors and the rough battle of relationships left me feeling pretty useless. But everything has a breaking point.

Mine was a bitter January Thursday. It was the usual. School, dance, home again to start the same routine again tomorrow, but that night I felt hopeless. I felt so alone. I don’t know what pushed me to do it. I remember going into the bathroom and pacing across the cold tile floor. I grabbed my green razor and felt the square sides then put it down. No I thought. I can’t.
But this time something pushed me farther than ever. Taking the blade of the razor splicing across my skin, I clenched but saw nothing. So I did it again. There nothing still. Once more and I saw the trickle of blood race down my body, I just froze. I’m not sure how I felt, but I could hear my heart beating in my ears. What had I done? What am I doing? I had cut myself. I walked out of the bathroom and sat down on my bed. I needed someone, I needed someone just make sure I wasn’t in some surreal nightmare.

So I texted her.


She was beautiful. She had amazing strength but she was just a senior in my small-town high school. I just needed someone to talk to and be distracted. Maybe I could forget it all. The first thing she said when I texted her was “I love you! You mean so much to me!” She had no idea what happened or what I had been feeling but simply out of the kindness in her heart. Those six words saved my life. Without them, I might still be bleeding, bleeding to death.

The next morning I woke up with broken thoughts. I couldn’t hurt myself. I needed to be healthy. I had to. I had to do it for her and for my sister. God puts amazing people in your life for a reason. These people are secret angels. They are there to guard you and help you up when the world becomes a strange place. They bring you back home to God.