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I'll Be Standing By You
January 21, 2011
I remember one pleasant day last year when I was still 13 years old and I was coming home from middle school leaving the trees behind as I walked home. I found you sitting on the bed very quietly and that raised my suspicion that something was wrong with you.
When I got the news that you had breast cancer it hit me and changed my life because I became really worried and scared. I thought the world was falling down like a meteorite when they told me.
I was really scared that something bad was going to happen to you. My heart started beating fast, boom boom boom and I thought it was going to explode into million pieces. Tears were running down my cheeks. To be honest, I can’t imagine my life without you because you are part of my life and I don’t want to lose you. Everything changed in my life because I'm always thinking of you and what would happen if you get mad. When I misbehaved I felt guilty because I knew that you are sick, and I didn’t care.
You, dad, and my sisters and I live at our apartment on the sixth floor with one room, but spacious for our family. Our room had one bed, a closet, and drawers in the other side of the bed, it was also flawless and well organized because of you. Even though we have a small home we are a happy family. Your unusual behavior raised my suspicion that something was wrong because you're usually a happy and energetic woman.
Later on that day, we were all minding our own business and when my dad and I noticed that you were crying on the bed as I closed the door in front of me.
I was thinking sadly, “Why are you crying? You’re a calm and energetic woman and you are always doing something.”
I felt really bad because I saw that something awful was bothering you.
You replied sadly, “I feel a small ball in my breast.”
When you noticed and told me I was really shocked.
At first I didn’t know what that meant. I wanted to know what you had because you looked really pale and sick.
“Your mom keeps crying,” my dad told me with a worried voice.
The next day you went to the clinic to see what was wrong. At first, they didn’t tell you the results of the tests they did to you. When you came back from the clinic, you were really sad because you didn’t know what you had yet. Later on the day, they called from the clinic and told you that you could go get the results the next day. You didn’t tell us anything and you stayed quiet when you came back.
Later, you asked me sadly, “Can you call your grandma and aunt to come home please?”
I did what you told me to do. After a while, my grandma and aunt came home. They started talking with you for a while. When you finished talking to them, my aunt came out.
I asked you worried, “Is everything okay?”
You stayed quiet and didn’t answer my question. When my grandma came out of the room she told me what was wrong.
“Your mom has… breast cancer,” my grandma said with tears in her eyes.
I screamed, “No, no, no it can’t be true!”
I felt bad that you didn’t tell me yourself. I cried a lot, I started crying and I went to the room and hugged you but when I went with you I tried to calm down so you wouldn’t feel awful, but I couldn’t help it. Suddenly, you started crying when you saw me coming into the room.
I said, “You have to be brave, Mom, everything will be okay.”
You responded, “Okay, don’t worry.”
The day after they diagnosed you with breast cancer, you went to the USC Medical Center. You started getting your chemotherapy. I can tell you got really scared. I was scared too. Before you got your first chemotherapy they gave you pamphlets so you know what to do.
The next day, you went to the hospital to get your chemotherapy. My grandma went with you because you were reasonably afraid.When you came back home you didn’t look good; you looked feeble. You always went to the restroom and started throwing up. You were depressed at first because you had to go to chemotherapy every Monday and Friday.You also didn’t want to go anywhere or eat anything. You always wanted to stay in your bedroom.You always said that you are not going to overcome breast cancer and that you are going to die and I I couldn't stand seeing you like that everyday in the bed suffering.
I thought to myself sadly, “Why is life so unfair?”
My grandma told me you were trying to be brave for us and that you didn’t want to leave us, especially my little sister. While you were getting better my grandma took care of us and she still does. My grandma is old and she always like to wear her favorite snowy white sweater. She has a heart of gold and she bonds with everybody she knows. I am very fortunate to have my grandma with me during these hard times and you are lucky to have a great mom too.
Finally, you got some good news. It was from the hospital (USC Medical Center). They called to say that you had to go to the anesthesia doctor because you are going to have surgery. You were frightened and happy at the same time.
On December 9, 2010, around 4:00 a.m. you started getting ready to go to the hospital and get surgery. I was scared and worried because I didn’t know how many days you were going to stay at the hospital. You were released from the hospital that same day you had surgery and I was happy. I couldn’t go home because I wasn’t in conditions to see you. Since, you couldn't be next to sick people I spent the whole day at my grandma’s house and I was sad because I wanted to see you.
So far, you have been better and everyday I see you getting better and going back to work and doing all the stuff you did before you got the diagnosis. Our family can be more positive now because we have a good outlook in life. As a result of your fight against cancer it made me realize that the smallest things you do for us make a huge difference in our lives. I feel optimistic about our future because at first you felt you weren’t going to overcome breast cancer but your still fighting on, and it has made all of us stronger.
Even though, you couldn't help being really depressed when you first got diagnosed with breast cancer, you overcame it. My grandma and I stayed really strong for you. You always thought that you were never going to survive, but you’re here right now and living your life. I am grateful to still have you with me and I couldn't imagine a life without you. You are a big part of my life and I would advise you to always have hope even though your problems don’t seem to have a solution. In conclusion, you should also have a positive outlook in the future and don’t feel depressed because it will make things worst.