Hi my names Michelle,I'm 15 years old and I'm a writer I write day and night.I recently wrote this piece of work I would love for you to read,and one day I hope it may touch another teens life or change their life in some way.The years are going by quickly and the deaths and violence is increasing rapidly.When will it all stop.My names Michelle I'm 15 years old,growing up I never had a good out look on life,from the time I was just five in beginning kindergarden, I never knew what I wanted to be and never took life serious.As a young girl I was raised around all boys,so all I did was hang out with the boys and wanted to play with my brothers and his friends.Even getting older I never played with barbies or wanted to play dress up.I was considered A Tomb boy and never thought nothing of it,but didn't care anyway.when I went through my elementary school years it was tough.

I was known as a bully and had no friends because everyone was scared of me.even the boys,they knew that I would fight anyone and wasn't going to stop until I won.I was confused,misunderstood,and lost in my own world.No one understood and everyone tried to help but everything failed.Everyday I would get introuble,there wasn't one day that I didn't get a phone call home.I was so Terrible in school I'm surprised I didn't get kicked out from day one.But even though there was no solution to helping me but people still tried.But the real problem was I felt out of place,and that there was no hope for me all because of the color of my skin.Going through out those days in elementary school I would get called so many kind of names because I was dark skin.I didn't understand and no one knew my true pain because I hid it all inside.I use to pray to god everynight asking him to make me light skin.There wasn't a day that went by,that I didn't ask and I never lost my
faith.Everyday I had came home from school I would wipe my face so hard.Thinking if I did it hard enough with soap I would make my face light skin.My mother would always tell me don't do that Michelle your going to hurt yourself,but I didn't listen.Most nights I would look for bleach and wash my face real hard ,trying to make my face lighter but it would never work.I tried just about everything.I even stole products that said to make your skin lighter,and nothing worked.My mother never knew my strong emotional pain,in the inside because I wouldn't share my feelings.All I knew was that I thought of myself as ugly black trash living a life that would never be anything.I would look at all the light skin girls and would wish I was them because I thought they were so beautiful.when I went skating I would and say I can't wait until I get home because maybe if I had my hair like hers or tried to look like her.Then I might be pretty.That went through out
elementary.entering the sixth grade I became worse and the insults became stronger.There wasn't one day that went by were I wouldn't have a arguement with my mother.I would say so many harmful things to her,but through it all she still stuck with me and told me she loved me.I use to steal like crazy from every store and thought of myself as ugly so bad,to the point were I had died my hair all blonde thinking it would be a improvement but that failed.Got all my ears pierced,but that didn't work.I even pierced my own tounge not knowing I could have killed myself,and I didn't care whether I lived or died because I was living for attention that I didn't get,and living because I was on earth but didn't know why.The tounge piercing brung alot of attention to me,because I didn't know that the piercing meant a person that sucks,so all the boys thought I was a freak.I thought they liked me for me,but they only wanted me for their personal pleasure.Eventually I
got myself together and got back into church and became closer to god.I had all these things I wanted to be or become,I even started doing better in school,at that age I was 13.At the age of 14 I was really in church and I met two woman of god,who became a part of my life.I was so close to the first one that she became my god mother.I also met two girls that became my bestfriends.I thought they were my bestfriends and I thought she was my god mother and really cared.Honestly the girls who I thought were my friends,were turning me in the wrong paths and my positivity was going down.They were nothing but trouble,and I was falling into the little traps and gossiping about people who wouldn't even harm a flie.I got caught up and in things that shouldn't of never happned.The woman who I thought was my god mother was really fake and a liar.She claimed she loved me and I really loved her too.But it reached a point were I got tired of the going back and had to
let her go.She even tried to come back but it wasn't meant to be.She wasn't encouraging me,and was only putting me down and never was on my side.Instead of her being there for me and trying to lead me in the right paths.She was playing two sides and never listened.Then I started to become closer to another woman of God,I would have never thought I met someone who i been seeking in my whole life other then my mother.We baecame so close that I call her my second grandma and she's here to stay.But when I was going through those rough times I still had a little low self asteem in myself,and I would always walk with my head down in church,or sit with my head down in church,and she would always tell me to lift my head up.Then one day she turned around and said here read this,it was a verse in the bible and the verse talked about keeping your head held high,after she said you can't receive the holy spirit with your head down either,then gave me a little
smile.I sat there and said to myself in my head,this last isn't no joke and plays no games.But she must really cared because no matter what,she always said something encouraging to me.And as of today,I always walk with my head held high and if my heads sinking low.Then you know something might be wrong with me that day.At the age of 15 everything I been through in my life.I was letting that live in the past and was getting myself together.I became a true Christian.I knew I was so beautiful and nobody could tell me otherwise.I love my skin color so much that sometimes I just look in the mirror and think what was I thinking calling myself ugly.I even knew what I wanted to be and how I was going to get it.But then I ran in to obstacles,because although I was changing my self I was still hanging around negative people and associating myself around negative people.I took a big downward fall.I started cussing,getting in to arguements with my mother,and had
this hate in my heart for my own blood grandmother.Although I thought I changed I really didn't because I still had bad habits.Mostly because I felt I needed to be like the other teenagers.Alot of times I would think why am I not having sex like the others,why am I not cussing people out like the others,why am I hanging out with elders I'm stead of going to partys with friends,why am I not smoking and selling drugs,why am I going to church all the time instead of getting drunk.Finally!!!! I got my senses up.I'm not doing all that stuff because I'm a young lady and a queen before gods eyes.And god has plans for me he was just waiting for me to reach out and receive it.But now after all those years I can proudly say I officially have my self together.I know for a fact it's meant for me to become a FBI,author and pastor.I don't surround myself around negative people because I try to stay to myself and do what me,Michelle enjoys doing.Which is writing,going
to church,talking to my mother,and hanging around with my second grandmother.It's great to have fun,but to have fun the right way.I even finally realized that those people who wouldn't leave me alone,were the ones who cared the most.Often times I think and say to myself I still can't believe I use to be like that.it's just amazing from how I use to be and what I am now.I even just smile at my mother and think,how could I or why would I want to put her through all that emotional pain.When through it all she's still here.Or how could I make my own grandmother feel like her only granddaughter hated her.She didn't know why and would shed tears.So I thank god,I finally have myself together.Now my friends that I don't reallly hang out with that much anymore,our the ones who come to me for help.And ask me my opinion or how can they get out of a critical situation,or even the right and wrong things in life.I'm still a teen and I will make mistakes.But I just
got tired and fed up with my childish ways.It was time for me to put them away and let god lead me in the directions,and I follow because I can do all things through Christ whom strengthens me.So now I try to be a encourager to those who might went through or are going through the same thing as me,or similar.Were all precious children of god and if people realize that then maybe the world would be a better place.