I tell myself to be one way, do one thing, and I can't. I can't even be myself, because I honestly don't know who I am anymore. I want you so bad it hurts. You only see me for who I was- not who I am. And all the things I need to tell you- would I ever be able to find the right words to say them? And if I did, by some miracle, how would I say them to you? It goes so far beyond "I miss you", "I need you", "I want you", and even further past "I love you".Deep down, I know it will never be, but there is a deep yearning, an ache. that won't accept that. I've never wanted anything more, and I've got some insane hope inside me that keeps yelling over the whisper that tells me to let it go, it'll never happen. I know I sound crazy, and maybe I am, but that doesn't change anything at all. You don't understand me. You used to, though. I remember.

So here I am, left to my own impossible fantasies and impossible hopes. I'll keep them up, though, which will only make it hurt worse when reality hits me, stabs me right through the heart.I shouldn't love you, but I do. And I hate myself for being so stupid and vulnerable.