It hits me like a heart attack. My emotions come all at once and I am not sure what to do. I can stay where I live and be with my family or I can go back to where I come from. The city that has that awful stench and the bumpy roads. The one that has a population of about 50,000, but also has the highest unemployment percentage. To most this town is the absolute worst place to live or even visit in the United States. To me it’s the most wonderful sanctuary. All its flaws are what draw me in; its not perfect, just like me. Its beautiful just the same. I can relax and relinquish here. This is the place where I get all my grandiose ideas, the place where I contemplate a lot. Possibly because of the drive and possibly because of my family. Nonetheless, the city is the harvesting grounds for me, my whole self, my ideas. This is where I began and where I will end. No matter what emotions I have at the time this city makes me so much happier. Perhaps it’s the realization that I am so fortunate not to live there any longer and the recognition that I can do so much more with my life now that I left that area. This is the city of opportunities, at least in my case because this is where I realize my opportunities. I come here with the constant reminder that a lot of people who stay in this town never get college degrees and never pursue their dreams. This is the drive that makes me want to follow my dreams and make them my realities. No matter what time of day or year and no matter my mood, if I take a look around the city I see my fortunes. My relaxing place, that makes me so calm is also my pondering place that makes me plan my future. I wish it was everyday that I got to experience these feelings, but I guess with all my sporadic visits to El Centro it is just enough that it makes me crave for the comprehension of my future.
January 17, 2011