You. You have no clue how much time and change I have put into you. Every day. I can't go one day without thinking about you. Thinking about seeing you the next day or even the Monday after the weekend. I can't wait to see your face. Your hugs. You give the best hugs. When you are in a good mood you give good hugs. I can't stand it when you are mad at me. I can't stay mad at you. You tell em everything. You ask me about advice about who you should date next. Why do you do that to me? I always tell you how I feel about you and you just say okay and let it go. After a while you think that I have gotten over you and moved on. Well I guess I mask that I love you and want you back very well. I should hate you for the hell you have put me through. The roller coaster of emotions you have put me heart through. Of course though I can not stay mad at you. You know I would and will do any thing for you. You use that against me. I love it though. Every now and then I have to let go and tell you exactly how I feel. Most of the time there are no words about how I feel about you. We hang out and have fun like we are brother and sister. You will never know how much I care for you. I would jump in front of a bullet for you. I would go to jail to protect you. I would puch you out of a car if it was going to crash. I would save you before myself any time. If you were in trouble and needed me and you were in California, I would drive cross country just to come and get you to make you safe. Every since you came into my life I can not stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? Some times I cry to myself about the pain I feel inside. It kills me that you will never know. It kills me that you will never love me the way I love you. I don't care who you are with. I will never stop fighting for you. There has to be something there. I can't go one day without thinking about you. If you weren't in my life I don't know what I would do. It makes it worse because I keep holding on to you and it seems like you don't want to be held on to. Well I can not let go. You think that just cause i'm not all over you and I am happy all the time that I don't have feelings for you any more. Well I do. I know. I know, this is probably very repetative but it's true. You are amazing. They say if you can list reasons why you like someone it's not "just cause". If you can list reasons you actually truly do love them. Well, with you I can list reason. I love the way you always think you are "gangster". I love how you think you are like "Ronnie from Jersey Shore". I love how you don't care what any one has to sat about you. I love how your mom loves me and my mom loves you. But I love you. You don't love me. I have no idea if you have any feelings toward me at all. You being biploar doesn't help either. You will never know how much I love and care for you with all of the bones in my body. All the fiber of my being cares for you. I Love You.
You Will Never Know
January 1, 2011