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Fear is an ugly thing; it’s characterized by the things in life we don’t understand. The moment she said it was over ever thing inside of me fell apart. Had I been given the chance I would have given her the world; everything was perfect, but fear over took her. She had been hurt before; I knew this and I had no intentions of hurting her, ever. The expression on her face the moment my moms hand went across mine was one I knew; it was a look of pure terror. The smile that usually graced her face no longer existed; it was replaced by a fear running so rampant she was angry. I could almost feel her urge to come and save me from whatever lied ahead yet it was as if she could sense me telling her to stay calm. Her fear had become my fear. I know feared no longer for my own safety but for hers; not in any physical way because she was in no physical danger. Her mind however was on the line; she says I can’t imagine what she was going through but I could because I was feeling it too. No matter all the screaming that occurred that night between my mom and me, none of that mattered because she was all I could think about. I wanted to hold her and tell her it would all be alright; I wanted to make that fear inside of her go away. She was suffering; she thought it was all her fault; although, there was nothing in the world she could have done. Repeatedly, I told her to think about what had happen before that fear over took her, think about how happy she was, how happy I was just being with each other. I could hear the fear in her voice as she trembled trying to talk with me later that night on the phone. She begged me to tell her what had happen that night with my mom but I didn’t want to worry her anymore than I already had. I would have endured so much more than I already had just so she didn’t have to experience the fear that she did; I cried to her begging her to forgive me for causing her so much pain when I promised her before I would never hurt her. I loved her so much I risked everything to make sure she was okay, risked everything to erase that pain from her heart. The one thing she didn’t realize through all of this is that the time we spent together before my mom came is what kept me going is what gave me that glimmer of hope that everything was going to work out alright. The love that she had for me that night, the fear she had, nobody had ever felt like that about me before, and even though we didn’t last she showed me more love than a girl like me could possibly ask for. Nothing in the world could take away the pain she had to endure because of me and I’m not sure if she ever forgave me, but she swore up and down the day she ended it that she still loved me. It’s amazing the things fear can bring out in two people. Had it no been for the pain and fear we experienced who knows what would have happen.



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