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I Can Only Be Me

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My lunch was packed. My hair was done. I listened to Whip My Hair a least five times( I love Willow Smith). My skinny jean were way too skinny and felt tight but loved any way. I was wearing my shirts and was ready for school. My name is Nicole Michelle Jackson and everyone hates me. I’m 16 years old and hated by everyone. I don’t understand it I’m a nice person and I’m in my third month of high school. I’m ready to kill myself, I have no friend and people start to make rumors about me. This is not just normal rumors, they are nasty rumor like I did the teacher in the girl bathroom. I wanted to tell the principal but what will she do. I didn’t know what to do so I just kept everything to myself. I cried myself to sleep hoping I would die in the morning, hoping god himself would take me out of this waste land he calls earth and allow me to be with the angels. I knew killing myself would be ultimate sins so I never did it. I remember watching Twilight and seeing that vampires had immortal. I thought to myself who would even what that be whatever it was a movie.

“Come down for breakfast, baby I made your favorite,” my mom said from downstairs. I dashed down stairs, mom made waffles and sausages. Yum!! I went in the fridge and took the last swallow of apple juice. I finished all my food quickly because I know the bus would be hear any minute. I threw on my Uggs and my new jacket. I was ready as I was about to walk outside I notice I didn’t have my book bag so I rushed up stairs to grab it and ran back down. I quickly dashed down stair and waited for the bus patiently and silently. I had everything, I checked and then the bus slowly yet smoothly pulled up. I need to boost myself confidence so as I got on the bus I told myself over and over that I was pretty. I slowly moved my feet up the steps and as I got on the bus there was complete silence. I didn’t know what to think so I rushed to the back of the bus with meeting eyes with anyone. As soon as I sat down, all heads turn to the back of the bus. I want to yell to the bus driver “DRIVE!!!” but my voice was on mute so it was a long silence. Someone in the front finally yell “UGLY!!!!!”. I wanted to burst into tears but instead my face just turn hot red. Today, I was going to do it. In my first period class, in the back of the room, when everyone left. I didn’t care if to was the ultimate sin I just had to.

I dashed to my locker with making eye contact with anyone. I quickly opened my locker and got my book for my first and second period class. As I was rushing to class, someone knocked down my book. I didn’t bother to look and see who did it because I knew I didn’t have the courage to speak up for myself so what was the point. My first class is reading, I like to get there first so I can get the seat way in the back. I like what we are talking about and I have a lot to say but I just can’t open my mouth. Class was in session and that is when I waited and waited. Time seem to be going by slower and slower, finally class was over. Mr. Hansberry was handing out test and I know that he trust me. I put my test back on his desk after he gave it to me so I can stay after class. He didn’t have a second period class so that was the best place to try and kill myself. I didn’t know how I was going to do it but I knew I wanted to get it over with. I was ready I just got a rope, that Mr. Hansberry always says that he was going to beat us with, and was going to tie it to the light but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t so I just proceed to my second class trying to laugh and smile like nothing was wrong. I went through my day trying to happy as the mean girls bullied me, as the guys called me ugly, and as the cheerleader through food at me expect for Amy. Amy was always happy and peppy, she was sad and seem like she had something to hide. I finished the rest of the day and went home to make cheese fries because they were my favorite. I finished my homework ate and took my shower. I watched about three episodes of George Lopez.

I went to school the next day but this day was sad. No one made fun of me, no one pushed my book and no one even spoke. It was a dead silence the whole day, I saw kid crying but not one person was happy, not even the teachers. That same day I found out that Amy killed herself. Her mom was a drug addict and father was in prison. She cried her self to sleep every night. Behind all of those smile, laughs and giggles there was pain hatred and lack of self confidence.





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SashaNicole said...
Dec. 10, 2010 at 6:37 pm
My first publishing yay
 
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