How to be THE Perfect Mother

November 17, 2010
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What is the correct definition of a perfect mother? Is it one who stays home, does all the chores, and makes sure dinner is on the table before 5:00 P.M.? Is she someone who gets up before the crack of dawn, and goes to work to bring home a double income salary? Or is the perfect mother someone who carried the perfect baby in her womb for 9 months upon God’s request? The perfect mother does not involve any of these examples. It is much more complex, and involves many little details that don’t get looked upon. In these next few minutes, you’ll be able to apply and perfect the ways of becoming the perfect mother.

When someone is trying to become a perfect mother, she should never go by what she sees in the news or what’s exposed in today’s TV shows. The first thing she needs to do is make sure she has lots of kids, preferably by different dads. This brings cultural differences and many styles of upbringing in the house. She also has to make sure that when she leaves each father, she accuses them of abuse. This helps her get out of the relationship, and gets her whatever she wants such as full custody of the child. But, she must not let any of her children know about her past because when she decides to screw everything up later on, they’ll have no clue that this is a repeated procedure in her life. After having around three or four kids, she needs to find a guy that she can settle down with for a couple years. But, don’t get me wrong, after about ten or eleven years, she will have to mess up his life, like she did with everyone else she was involved with. So, after about ten years of getting him to trust her and having a kid with him, you have to cheat on him thus bringing on the next step of becoming the perfect mother.

After about a year or so of the continuing obligation to her significant other, her husband will find out. It’s inevitable. But, don’t worry, all she has to do is pull the pity card and promise that she won’t do it again. Of course her husband will fall for it to keep the marriage going. After awhile of mending hearts, her husband is going to leave to fight for the country. Great, she’ll want to take this opportunity to party and cheat on him as many times as possible. Don’t keep in mind that she has three kids at home that she leaves weeks on end. Don’t worry though, her oldest will watch them while having to make sure they don’t get caught by Department of Children and Family Services. She also needs to make sure when their dad calls, to ignore it. If she answers it, he might get suspicious about why the kids are always supposedly busy and can’t talk to their daddy.

When she does decide to come home for a day or two, she needs to make sure she has nick names for her kids. This helps her become emotionally disengaged from them, and she’ll be able to leave the house without feeling bad. When choosing nick names she wants something that’s broad and simple. Names such as pumpkin, sweetheart, or sugar are not nick names that she should use. Under no circumstance is she allowed to use these. I suggest names such as brat, jerk, or even bastard. Yes, those names will help her cut off the emotional tie that she has with her children.
Eventually, it’s going to come to the point where parenting is going to be stressful on her life. She doesn’t want to worry about whether or not her annoying brats are still at the house, or if she has paid this month’s lot rent. She doesn’t want any worries in her life. This brings up the a crucial part of becoming the perfect mother.

One day, when she feels over stressed, she’ll need to go home and tell her kids that she doesn’t want them anymore, and they’re causing too much stress in her life. (Don’t take any consideration that she is never home and that her oldest takes care of the children anyways. This will make her feel guilty). So when she arranges for the kids to stay with a family member, she’ll move to her lover’s house. Then she will not have to worry about her kids, or the house, or really anything for that matter. She’s going to see that your husband, or soon to be ex husband, has found out her whole scheme of things, and does not put money in her account. Of course this is going to anger her, so what I suggest that she does is accuse people of kidnapping her kids, and eventually cause a living hell for everyone.

Finally, the last step of being a good mother is the easiest step to the whole process. Give up. This is what outlines and defines the true definition of being a mother. Give up on making her life good, give up on her marriage, and give up on her kids. A perfect mother gives up on everything possible. When she is going through stress in her life, she just gives up. She’s able to run far away from any problems and act like nothing has ever happened.

So as you have concluded, being the perfect mother isn’t all that hard. She just follows the set out tasks and you’re good to go. Many will see her parenting skills, and at first might be alarmed, but don’t worry they will eventually pick up and become perfect mother’s themselves. All of them converting to this way of parenting around the age of 40, right at the critical part of the children’s lives.

Life is not a walk in the park, or a piece of pie, but you can make it be those things, by becoming a perfect mother…or do I dare say, a Mother Mary.

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