Surviving My life

November 16, 2010
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It’s funny how comfortable you can feel in your life right before it changes. Your guard is down and everything is finally running smoothly. The job is finally working out, kids are doing amazing in school, didn’t have to worry about money too much, and life was good. Then it hits like a bag full of cinder blocks,Father’s day 2009. Everything you knew to be black is now white, up is down, and everything you once knew was gone. This particular life changing event happened and her life did a couple of flips and landed upside down in front of her. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. She was embarrassed, crushed, hurt, mortified, sick to her stomach, depressed, sad, and most importantly confused. Why was this happening to Her? What had she done to deserve this? Who could she blame? There were no answers. People tried to surround her to comfort her, she didn’t want their comfort. she pushed people away, said mean things, made people she cared about worry about her safety. The only people she kept near her to keep a little piece of sanity around, were her children and herself. And that wasn’t really fair to others


The first 3-4 months, she couldn’t work, sleep, or eat. she tried counseling, but found herself lying. she would tell the therapist how good she was doing, when she was only pretending to feel better. She was trying the whole “fake it until you make it” theory. It wasn’t really working. She found herself slipping back into the depression at times, and just not caring anymore. My sisters and I were starting school again. Our behavior was rocky at best. She had no interest in life yet again. She decided one day, She really needed help so she could at least care for us and give us the mother we deserved. She found a place for them to stay for a few days and went away. She needed a couple of days with no kids, no dogs, no house to clean, no laundry to wash, and most importantly, no responsibilities. She needed time to think of what she wanted, what she desired from her life, what she wanted for our lives. All she could think of is how was she going to put my life back together again and make it better than it had been. She really wanted to run away and forget she had ever been happy, but she had to think of more than just herself.
So while she was pondering how to regroup and start over again, she began thinking about returning to school and improving her education. She knew if she was to make a better life for my sisters and I, She would have to be stronger, diligent, and fearless. She would have to make this work!! So now with a promising goal in front of me, she began taking baby steps. She put in my application for SMCC and began getting up every morning again. Each and every move she made after that was like taking more and more baby steps. But she couldn’t rush anything, it all had to happen at a comfortable pace for her. At each hurdle she sailed over, her confidence grew, slowly. She started feeling proud again. She felt as if that dark cloud that had been over her was starting to break away. Hope was coming back into her life again.



Now that it has been 15 months since my parents separation, she has had a better grip on my life. She goes to work again, helps us when we need help on anything, hangs out with her friends, and she going to school again. She has proven to herself that she can do whatever she set her mind on, no matter how far fetched or crazy. Communication between my sisters and I with my mother is a lot better. Our behaviors have slowed down now that our father and my mother are more friends than enemies now. She knows more about what I want in my life and am trying to take baby steps to achieve these things. She is a stronger person than she was in the summer of 2009. She keeps moving forward. This is how she survived her life.





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