I will never forget

By , Montvale, NJ
I felt so sad, unloved and unwanted inside the moment I was standing on top of the roof looking down on the concrete ground. I was thinking what it would be like if I was gone. Tears streamed down my face like a river. I felt like my family’s lives would be so much easier without me around. Suddenly, I felt a hand pull me up through the window. Then I was on the floor crying my eyes out, screaming while my mother, father and brother were pinning me down so I couldn’t climb out the window again. I was screaming so loud I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

A little while later, my mom and dad took me into the car and said I was going to Hackensack Hospital. My mom turned around to look at me and I saw her makeup run down her face, almost like she had just jumped into a pool. I sat there quietly in the car looking out the window. Finally I saw the hospital. My parents walked me inside and we sat in the waiting area. I saw two girls and they asked me why I was there. I was too embarrassed to say I was there to get checked out for mental illness so I pointed to all the bruises on my leg and said, “I hurt myself.” Those two girls looked at me and said, “Oh I am so sorry. I hope your leg gets better.”
The nurse called my name. I felt so nervous about what was going to happen. I had no idea. They sat me down in a room and I waited with my parents until the doctors came in. The doctors started asking me so many questions. They all talked so fast, I can’t even remember what they asked. I was just so scared. Finally, after the doctors all left they took me to a room to get a C.A.T scan. They lay me down and the machine made a loud noise. It started to spin and I got so dizzy. I wanted it to be over. The machine stopped and I was relieved it was done. The doctors said nothing was wrong in my head. They still wanted to take more tests, so they kept my parents and me overnight.
During the night nurses kept waking my parents and I up for different things. I had no idea what they were saying because I was so tired. In the morning I felt like I only got an hour of sleep. When they asked me to get in an ambulance, I was so tired I had no idea what was going on. It was all a blur. I asked where I was going and my parents said I was going to another hospital called Four Winds. My parents told me it would help me. After I got into the ambulance they had to strap me in a gurney. I don’t know why but the nurses said I had to be strapped down. There was a nurse sitting with me in the ambulance; she was so kind and talked to me all the way until we arrived at Four Winds. As we were approaching Four Winds, I felt so nervous inside I wanted to burst into tears. I saw the sign “Four Winds Hospital”. I looked outside the window of the ambulance and I saw kids running around laughing. It looked fun at first but little did I know I was going straight to hell.
As I got out of the ambulance my parents held my hand and walked me into a blue building. I walked inside the building and sat down. A kind looking lady walked in the room and led me to her office. She explained that I was going to be staying there for a few weeks and said a lot of other stuff that I can’t exactly remember. After the meeting was done, my parents and I walked to a homey looking building called “Gate House”. I met some nurses there. They all seemed nice except for one who I thought was nice but who turned out to be a horrible woman. Her name was Carol. She was a chubby dark skinned lady with brown eyes and brunette hair. I had to say goodbye to my parents and my eyes filled up with tears. I gave them both strong hugs goodbye and I watched them leave. Two nurses walked me up to my room and I met my strange roommate. Her name was Emily.
The days passed slowly but, during those days I wasn’t prepared for what happened. One night I had a tantrum I missed my family and when the nurses tried to calm me down I just screamed. Carol came and pinned me to the ground. I pushed her but I had no idea that she was going to slap me across the face. I pushed her off and ran to my room. This was the first but not the last time she abused me. Another day I had a tantrum. I felt so sad in that place. Carol grabbed me and put me in this matted room called the quiet room. I looked at her through the tiny window and she started making faces, sticking her tongue out and laughing at me. She walked into the room and took my pigtails and swung me into the mat walls. Those mats were hard so it was painful, especially since I was so small. I sat down crying and she circled around me and said in a cold hearted voice, “Your parents don’t love you. That’s why they sent you here.” Those sick and cruel words circled in my head for the rest of the night. The next morning I ran to tell another nurse what had happened. No one believed me. They thought I was lying. Why would I lie about something like that? I was extremely angry and I couldn’t wait to leave. Visiting day came for my parents and I told my mother what Carol said and did to me. She was furious and talked to the nurses and people in charge of Gate House. They finally believed me. I was so happy but also mad they wouldn’t trust me. I was a little 8 year old girl. Why wouldn’t they trust me?
The day finally came, the day I left that horrible place. I never wanted to see that sign “Four Winds” ever again.





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