Moments in Life.......

October 14, 2010
Decisions in life define people no matter whom or where you are. They form and shape you into what you will be in the future. The decisions I have yet to make will define me as a person.

My moment that changed my life forever would give you nightmares. When it first happened all I can remember was the blood running down my arm and someone trying to wake me up. But my scars are my reminder. They tell the story I cannot. The first time I tried committing suicide was the first I almost said my last goodbyes. The night of my accident was one that will stick in my head forever. I remember waking up that morning not feeling like me. It felt like somebody had replaced me with a monster and I watched from the side lines. Everything felt gloomy and dark.

Going to school was the last thought on my mind. Depression had found its way into my thoughts. It had corrupted everything that was good. Nothing but coldness and suicidal thoughts were left. Looks from people agitated me. Whispering their secrets and lies. Their words burned like a cherry stem off a cigarette. Going to class made everything worse. The teachers went on with their lame excuse for a lesson that day, not noticing the pissed off kid in the back of the room. A fire was raging in me, not knowing the limits I pushed it more and more with every minute that went by. School seemed to last for months and years. Once the bell rang I ran home. Once I got home a found myself touching the cold blade of a razor. Shiny and tempting it looked so good from one point but its intentions where the opposite.

I ran the blade across my skin feeling the blade sink into my skin like quicksand. As the blade ran across my skin, blood trickled down my arm. I started to feel dizzy and then I fell off my bead dropping the razor somewhere underneath my bed. Blood ran down my arm staining my carpet the color of a apple. As everything seemed to fade away my life started to make sense. Why everything was so hard, why I was brought up the way I was. Finally I remember hitting the floor with a loud “THUD” of course somebody is going to hear this thud sound. But that’s the thing nobody did. Hours went by not waking up, till the slam of the door woke me up. Waking up in my own puddle of blood smelling like rusty iron and stains running up and down my arm isn’t the best feeling in the world, but it’s a feeling I will never forget. The reason we struggle in life is so we can get knocked down and get back up. Cause it’s not about how many times you fall down but the number of times you pick yourself up once you fall.

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