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Desperation

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they realize they’re desperate. Whether it’s desperate for love, money or change, everyone knows the feeling. For me it was desperation for change, and the feeling came the year I turned seventeen.
I’ve never been the real girly girl type. I mean sure, I’ve watched Snow White and Cinderella, and I’ve dreamt about my happily ever after but after a few year of being alone I began to give up on my Disney ending. Instead I focused on reality. I would still daydream but not the nonsense about godmothers, and glass slippers. No, I would daydream about exotic places far away, of lands that haven’t been discovered. I would dream of the day I left this dreary, Podunk town for the bustling city.
However change never comes easy and neither does leaving. My bags are packed, my plane tickets are purchased, I’ve dialed the number for a taxi to come and pick me up, but how do I say goodbye to the ones I love the most? There are the best friends who’ve stuck by me through thick and thin. They’re the ones who would stay up late with me on the phone because I was frustrated at life and didn’t know how to deal. Then there’s my family. As I get into the taxi I look out the window at my mother, who on the outside is smiling and waving, but on the inside she’s falling apart wishing that her little girl in the box wasn’t leaving home so soon. My little brother, who’s six two and still growing, stands beside her blinking back unshed tears, and holding onto my mother for dear life. I smile and wave as the taxi whisks me far away from my childhood home.
I close my eyes and think back to the car rides to school that my brother and I would belt out the words to Rihanna’s Only Girl in the World at the top of our lungs as we passed by our classmates who just stared in awe. I remember the long talks I had with my mother about my purpose in life and what my goal was. But most of all I remember the bed that sat next to mine and the sister that slept in it every night for sixteen years. I remember us staying up late talking about the boys we thought were cute and what movie we would watch next.
It’s when I open my eyes that I realize my vision is blurred and that I’m crying softly. The driver asks if I’m ok and if he needs to turn around. I put on a smile and shake my head. He tells me a story of when he left his home and how hurt his family was. Only a few minutes later we arrive at the airport. I hand him the money that he earned and grab my bags before heading into the airport terminal. I check the row of TVs that display the flight and time of departure. After finding my plane number I lug my bags over to the proper gate and sit down finally relaxing in a chair.
Before I know it the doors are open and flight attendants are checking tickets. I suck in a deep breath and walk through the doors and into the next chapter in my life.



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