Forever Hurt

October 18, 2010
By , St. Helens, OR
I have many flaws weaknesses, troubles, fears, secrets. But I am one single person in this world of billions and one person like you shouldn’t push me around. I wish I could be strong enough to stand up for myself and not be your punching bag. I bleed, I bleed and you still punch. Walking away might seem easy. It’s not. When you have had a friend like you forever and suddenly I’m not good enough, it hurts. I’m tired, I’m done. Please understand.

I wish I could say this to her, but I can’t. I’m too weak. Scared. I’m the girl in the back of the crowd, never heard, never seen. I need friends to help me but none ever seem to be in reach. In the end of seventh grade I was the girl with no friends. She made up ever rumor possible to get people upset. I tried not to go to school, but I needed to. I didn’t want to see her, but I had to. Is this what people mean by life’s not fair?

This stupidity that’s going on between her and I. Is it right? Do I deserve it? I don’t think so. We had so many good times together, staying the night in a tent at the fair, playing in the snow together, being teammates, and always having each other’s backs! But now this “friend” has disappeared. Vanished. She has no clue what is or was going on in my life. So why did she all of a sudden turn on me? I have no clue. Maybe jealousy? Entertainment? Whatever the reason was it satisfied her. In her mind I lost, but I know I’m still fighting and I will never quit.

Maintaining friendships has always been a problem for me. I always choose the wrong people or let the right people slip right through my fingers. Doing the right thing is hard. I try and I try. Sometimes I get it right; other times it makes things worse. Relationships with people is one of my flaws; however it makes me stronger, I’m capable of defending myself in the slightest ways, having a little bit of a backbone.

My eighth grade year so far has been a rollercoaster with its ups and downs. She has messaged me a few times. Sometimes nicely about sports. Other times rudely about some stupid rumor. I’m glad she and I don’t have classes together. I don’t have to see her very much except for lunch. There isn’t a whole lot of drama this year. I actually think I might actually have a good year with out her. I no longer want to be a punching bag or a sheet of paper you can trash. I want to be treated like a person. With respect. I have a drive to be stronger and I am going to be.

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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

Louie2_16 said...
Oct. 28, 2010 at 12:53 pm
It has gotten better. But I play sports with them so that's kind of hard... I don't want my coaches to know that I don't get along with them so I avoid them as much as possible. One of my best friends is also going through the same things with the same people.. It's been a lot of help with her going through the same thing.  
Louie2_16 replied...
Oct. 28, 2010 at 12:54 pm
And thank you!
bluegrl95 said...
Oct. 27, 2010 at 3:36 pm
I has that exact problem when I was in 6th grade then again in 8th so I know from experience what it feels like to feel so low and forgotten. It does get better just don't lose hope. To the world you may be one lost or alone but to one you may mean the world. I hope everything gets better for you.
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