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Words Carry More Weight

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When I was 12 years old my parents got a divorce. I don’t remember the exact words they had used in the numerous fights. However, I remember the feeling I got when I knew that my family would never be the same. It’s funny, I never knew how much someone else’s choices could affect me and my life so direly but I was mistaken. It was a dark night in October and the sky was as vacuous as space. In my room I laid trying to sleep when I heard a strange whispering sound radiating from my room’s cracked door. That night will always be a vivid memory of a distant nightmare that is now quite lucid to me. My life was in fact never the same again because when dramatic things happen people often find it necessary to change, or are rather forced to.

I slithered out of my bed and slipped the covers to the floor as I crept towards the light coming from the door to investigate the strange muffled words. I was drawn to the sound. Right after that I could hear my mom’s crying and sniffling followed by more unknown words that I recognized were from my father. Then I came to the edge of the room just behind the wall where I could hear every single word. I then heard my father say “I’m sorry Diana. I won’t try and keep this marriage together anymore I’m quite frankly sick of it.” My stance tightened as I heard those words.” Why can’t we make this work?” My mother said with a wistful kind of tone. After a couple minutes of eavesdropping on the conversation I was ready to step out in front of them. The second I did my parents both looked at me, and I couldn’t believe the look in my mother’s eyes as the thought of me listening in on their discussion crippled her emotionally; suddenly she started crying even harder than before. My dad insisted I go to bed immediately and not to think about what I heard.

I went to bed that night, but it was one of the hardest things I have ever done to try to tune out the thoughts racing around in my head, but eventually I passed out from mental fatigue. In the morning my father and I had a talk about what had happened and why. At that point I knew that everything that I heard that cold night in October was true. At first I didn’t understand why they couldn’t just make it work for my sake… I thought family was forever? And yet I witnessed it torn away from me at the peak of my childhood. Now that I have grown up a bit I realize that it was right to not live a lie for the sake of a family that was far from perfect. Why be together when there is no more love to be had? My father understood this and now I do too. My relationship with mother has been fading ever since that night. I used to see her on holidays, but now she has lost interest and with it, so have I.

This was by far the worst thing that has ever happened because it pretty much tainted my family and also my relationship with my mom, but I have matured to a state that if I were in their shoes I would have tried to make it work, but ultimately if the relationship was saturated in false pretenses and broken promises I would have to do the same. That night has also been incorporated in my everyday life. Now when faced with a decision that will affect others I have a multitude of background knowledge at my disposal. For example, when my ex-girlfriend wanted to take a break from our relationship of one and a half years instead of accepting our differences and letting her go I would have tried to convince her to stay with me… but there would be no point in the end. My many follies are in my thoughts always, but I have learned to better myself from them. My father and I have gained an understanding from each other and learned to tell the truth instead of lies because we both know what will happen if we don’t.

Now that I look back on it I kind of laugh at how I reacted to that night. If I knew back then what I do know I would have told my parents to get a divorce a long time ago because if you love something you keep it around, but if you aren’t interested in something why should you let yourself be compromised by it? So after all of that, I have bettered myself, made a negative a positive just with the power of my thoughts. We all must change eventually many times and as I see it, it is a natural part of life.





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