Home doesn't feel like home anymore. Nothing does except you and I feel like I'm five again. My mom and dad are gone and it's my first time home alone. It was fun at first, I got to do what I wanted, but soon I got scared. I wanted my parents back. I tried to find a place where I felt safe, but I couldn't find it. So I cried in my room until I felt the relief of my mom holding me, saying "Everything is alright." Now that relief wont come and I'm terrified of everything and I'm searching for a sanctuary, but I can't find one. And the more I search, the more and more afraid I get that no one will be there to help me in the end. I want to go home, but it's not there anymore, the place I could escape everything I'm running from. Physical and emotional. Now it's all attacking me, breaking me down and all I want to do is dying. Everything I wanted to do doesn't matter anymore. Nothing does now.
September 27, 2010