Why do they love him? I want them to hate him. I dream of a life where I am of importance and he never excisted. I wish they had capability to see my hostility towards him. I'm always the one forced to stand up, accept him and love him. I don't. They'd do anything for him, yet they expect me to fend for myself. He molested me. Was I able to protect myself then? During the time I was sexually assualted they still loved him, supported him and adored his every move. I followed behind, unnoticed, unannounced and unnapperciated. Still my life goes on this way. I protect him by not telling. I allow him to be the favorite, them to see him as perfect and myself to be the misunderstood, solitairy one. They love him. I'm the fucked up one. I accept that. I hate him.
Loathing and Protection (rough draft)
October 3, 2010