Not Worth It

October 2, 2010
I remember sitting in my bed coinciding with my unhealthy thoughts, wondering, "Should I, or shouldn't I?"
Memories and pieces of my life flashed through my mind in a blur, making me want to put that thougth away. But no,I found myself opening the squeaky door and creeping into the kitchen. I switched on the light and wiped tears off my face. I was at my breaking point, pushed not only to the edge but over it. So I went through the knife droor, poking around to find the sharpest one. I remember thinking it wasn't the way to go; I should find another way.
Grabbing a bottle of pills, I popped open the lid, and slipped one on my tongue, squinting at the bitterness of the pill. I took one, two, three, and even four. But it came to me. I finally realized, "This is pathetic. This is selfish and stupid. What about the family? What about my friends and people I love? People struggle to survive and here I am wanting to die. I need to stop." I put the bottle away crying my eyes out. That incident changed my whole perspective and perception on life and how much it really matters to me. The present is truly a blessing, and I will always consider that.

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