Who am I

October 1, 2010
By gaby23 SILVER, Larkspur, California
gaby23 SILVER, Larkspur, California
7 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."
~Christopher Columbus

Who am I to look at you and feel that I am greater, smarter, and wealthier? Who am I to look at and judge you for the clothes you wear, or judge you for the materials you own? Who am I to joke about the insignificant details about your life? But mainly, who are you to think your better than me? Who is anyone in this world to think they are better than one another? So I ask you, “Who are you? Who am I?” Can you answer my question, because I don’t know how.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson

I do not want to tell you my biggest fear, I would not want to take my pants off and sing for you. But my biggest fear, is myself. I’m afraid of looking in the mirror, unable to recognize the girl staring back at me. I am afraid to define my personality and have it feel as if I am incomplete. I am afraid for you to look at me and feel sympathy, and commiserate for my lack of beauty or brains. Maybe I am afraid to shine, as others do so well.

Fear is what dances through my blood, mocking my soul, feeding my insecurities. Am I accepted, am I forced to believe that to be loved I must be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Is my body meant to be pushed into perfection, otherwise will I not be good enough? Good enough for your standards, or mine? Am I to stand before you, and bow my head, to earn your approval? An approval that won’t even exist, only momentarily in my imagination that I hope to one day come true. So I continue to search, and continue to chase an acceptance that I am simply imagining. And when I have finally exhausted my aching muscles the conclusion will become clear. The acceptance I was searching for was my own.

So I won’t be afraid. I’ll stand as tall as I am and look into your eyes and feel confidence. I’ll feel poised, capable, luminous. I won’t be afraid of my personality, one that I embrace, one that I feel blessed to have. And I will not give you permission to make me feel inferior, as Eleanor Roosevelt said, I will not give you consent. I am as much alive as you are, as much accepted as you, and as beautiful as you are. Because for once, I believe in myself, allowing myself room for forgiveness. I have made mistakes, and the biggest mistake was believing others had power over me. Others had the authority to be ranked higher than me. Others had the ability to influence my self-esteem and manipulate any ounce of contentment left in my body, until I simply had none left. And then I asked myself, “who am I?” I will not judge you, I will not fight you, I will not mock you. I will always respect, and believe in you. Though I may disagree, life wasn’t always meant to share one common opinion. I will gladly accept your forgiveness, I will learn from you, I will make mistakes as well. I will be liberated from my fear, as I hope you will too. I am a human being, just like you. I am of value. And now I see, I am of beautiful value to myself, which is how I am liberated from my fear.

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