I was just outside in my backyard cutting the grass as I approached the area near our “vegetable garden”. This is the second or third year that I motivated with my mom to plant one, just a small side project. At the start of summer, I dug out the sand from under the club house and put down fresh soil and planted a few seeds not knowing what to expect.

I was just in school in my chemistry classroom solving a reaction-prediction problem as I feel the eyes of two guys on my back. This is the second or third time since 8th grade that I've had a subconscious motivation for a relationship, just a small side priority in my high school life. During summer band rehearsals, I smiled and shared stories, becoming closer and not knowing what to expect.

The garden grew green and a few signs of plants started to emerge towards the end of summer. An old familiar one, the cucumber had been a consistent favorite veggie and looked promising. The cherry peppers were a surprise because when I planted the seeds I thought that I was planting cherry tomatoes. When they bloomed, I picked one but never had the courage to try it for it being so new and different. Also, I had a particular taste for cucumbers.

My feelings grew and signs that I may “like-like” someone emerged towards the end of summer. An old familiar one, the drummer had been a “more than best friend” in 8th grade, a jerk in 9th grade, but started to look promising in 10th grade and summer. Feelings for him started sprouting up again. The clarinetist was a surprise for in 8th and 9th grade he had been quite quiet. I had conversations with him in 10th grade and summer and he became more outgoing, and so did my feelings for him. But they were not familiar as the feelings for the drummer.

Now it is fall and we have taken our potted flowers down. There are no more flowers to water so I completely forgot about the garden. Today when I looked at two browning plants and the dry soil, I was instantly full of disappointment and doubt. The once flourishing cucumber and red cherry peppers are starting to look brown and appear to have stopped growing. The cucumbers look like they've stopped midway and the cherry peppers are frozen green.

Now I see them everyday in class but I am scared of commitment. As I thought about both, my heart felt disappointment and my head felt doubt. The once entertaining encounters with them have become awkward. The drummer seems ready to give up and the clarinetist is frozen with uncertainty.

To spark growth of the garden I can water and wait. By the end of the season, I may have a basket full of veggies to enjoy. I could have the cucumbers and try the peppers too. I may as likely just have some brown plants and will have to try again next year. There is always risk and uncertainty.
To revive the relationships, I could consider the commitment of sharing my feelings. By the end of the semester I could have a relationship full of special moments to enjoy. But I couldn't be a girl who enjoys the drummer and tries the clarinetist too. I may just as likely have some awkward situations and have to try again next time I find these feelings? There is always risk and uncertainty.