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Most of us have been there. Brokenheartsville. If you haven’t, consider yourself extremely lucky. There is no place more depressing, more isolating, or more confusing than true, honest-to-goodness, he isn’t changing his mind Brokenheartsville. One second everything is wonderful; you’re in love and you’re thinking about forever. You’re finally to the point where you can talk to his parents without him there, and you’ve met extended family. But let’s be realistic. What are the chances of a happily ever after with him at the age of 17? Zero. He dumps you on your butt.
So, here you are. Single. Brokenhearted. Alone. What do you do? You made this guy your everything. You had a future planned. Where can you go from here? Well, in all honesty, it’s different for everyone. There is no set list of ways to get over heartbreak. However, there are certain things that every girl must do after having her heart ripped out.
1. Cry. Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry. Stay up until two and go through an entire box of Kleenex. Sit with your best friends on your bed and watch Titanic or Casablanca with a pint of your favorite Ben & Jerry’s. It’s not being weak. It’s what you need to do.
2. Lean on people. Have a support system. Your parents, your siblings, your friends, the guy at the movie store who you’ve chatted with a few times. Anyone. Let them be there for you. Talk through things with them. This is something you shouldn’t have to go through on your own. One of the best support systems could be a previous ex of the same guy. She knows what you are going through. Hopefully, she’s out of Brokenheartville herself and she can tell you how she managed to escape (however, if she’s still in love with him too, talking to her wouldn’t be the best idea).
3. Blame him. Even if you are in the wrong and you know it. Blame. Him. Stop thinking about what you did wrong. It is entirely his fault. He couldn’t handle you. He gave up on you. It was all him (After you are over him completely, you can own up to whatever you did wrong, but not before then).
4. Block him from your Facebook news feed. You don’t need to see what he is up to every second of every day. Especially when he makes statuses about hanging out with the girl who you suspect he’s having a thing with. But, don’t delete him as a friend. That is a bit immature, and he probably doesn’t even check your page so he wouldn’t notice it anyway.
5. Write it all down. Keep a journal. It may seem childish, but it can really help. Track your progress. Look back at your previous entries to see how far you have come since the early days. Also, you might be able to take the information and write a best-selling teen novel about a girl going through heartbreak (those are my intentions).
There are also some things that no girl should do under any circumstances. Trust me, I know first hand that these are some of the worst things you can do after a break-up.
1. Call/text him all the time. He ended it for a reason. If he is really and truly done, there is nothing you can say to bring him back. It’s a cold hard truth, but the sooner you realize it, the better off you are going to be.
2. Try to make him jealous. This never works. He doesn’t care that you have guy friends. In fact, he already knew this, and flirting with them in his presence only makes you look foolish. Plus, it can make one of these friends think you are into him, and then you have a whole new problem to deal with.
3. Be friends with him. This one is the hardest. Once you beak up, its incredibly difficult to just cut him completely out of your life. Especially if he was your everything. But, the question you need to ask yourself is why would you want to be friends with someone who put you/is putting you through this hell?
4. Date the next guy you see. This ties in with number two. Also, it’s a rebound. Those hardly ever work out. Give it time.
5. Hook up with him. This may seem obvious, but you’d be surprised. After a little while, you are going to think you’re okay. You haven’t talked to him in a month or so and you’re missing him less and less. But, you miss the way he kisses and the way he holds you like you are the most important thing in the entire world. So, you think to yourself, making out a few times couldn’t hurt, right? Wrong. It will only make you start over from scratch because the hook-ups will mean less to him than they do to you. You’ll think for a minute that he wants you. Again, wrong. Your hopes will get crushed. Don’t hookup.
6. Close yourself off. You may feel the need to put up a wall. And this wall isn’t to see who will climb over it: it’s to keep people out. You put your heart on the line, and it got completely crushed, so why chance it again? I’ll tell you why. Somewhere out there is a guy who is willing to put those pieces back together. A guy who won’t give up on you. A guy who is going to be 100% worth it. You just have to be willing to let him in. It may take you a while to get to that point, but make sure you get there.
The recovery process is a long and winding road. I would even go as far as to call it the world’s worst roller coaster. Sometimes it’s a long road and sometimes it’s short. Sometimes you’re up and other times you are the lowest you can possibly go. Every breakup is different. But, one thing they all have in common is that they all get fixed one way or another. You may not think it at the beginning, but you will get through it; you will get better. It may be cloudy for a while, but the sun will shine again. You just have to keep pressing on.