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overexposed

i guess i'm "blessed." Well, thats what dad says, anyways. he says that being so exposed to the real world will someday transform me into a stronger person.

in my opinion, thats crap that he made up to sound like he undersands, but he doesnt. No one fully understands my position. No one, could could possibly undrstand.

My friends all say im "blessed" becuase all the guys like me. But coming from my piont of veiw, thier the lucky ones.

They have no idea how hard it is for me, when all those stupid guys follow me around like lost little puppy dogs. I know what their after, im not an idiot. They dont like me for my "bubbly personality" or my "cute sense of humor"

Do they think i dont notice? When they look at me like that? when they study me so closely , so intently? Do my friends think i just dont care?

becaue in truth, i do care, and it bothers me. Not as much as it did 4 years ago, back when i was that "perfect" little girl that everyone "knew and loved."

that scares me sometimes, that i went from that sweet, perfect little girl, to who i am today.

i know that in a couple of years, it'll be even worse. I've already done so many bad things, that i cant remembe that last time i did something good for anybody else, out of the kindness of my heart.

But do people like me even have hearts? Are we capible of feeling compassion? I'm at a point in my life where im lost, i dont know what im gonna do, and i dont know what'll come next.

i dont know who can answer my questions, but im gonna ask them anyways. I dont wanna silently suffer any longer. but really, what choice do i have?

i cant take a stand now, after all these years. Maybe this makes no sence, and what im saaying sounds like something i got from that back of a ceriel box. but i honestly dont care. i mean, why should i?





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kmarie17 said...
Oct. 4, 2010 at 11:37 pm
wow. really strong emotion in this! keep writing!
 
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