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Dear Boy

Dear Boy,
Even as I write this letter, I know you will never see it. I just wanted you to know though, once upon a time I thought I was almost in love with you. The sight of you made my pulse race and your smile lifted me at least two inches off the ground. If you brushed up against me I would freeze, feeling tiny electric thrills dance up and down my arms, chilling me. I memorized the look of your face, the way you laughed, the way you smiled. I could tell when you walked in the room without looking at the door, because just when you did my pulse would kick up. I even dreamed of you.
And that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I don't know why, but sometimes you are still in my dreams! It makes no sense, we're strangers now. Why then do you haunt me in my dreams? In them you hold me, we laugh and talk. When I wake up in the morning I go and slam my head against the wall, embarrassed over something I cannot control.
It also worries me. I am over you, and I'm happy about it! Happy to be not crushing on the person I spent so much useless, child-like, emotion over. But if I'm happy, then why isn't my subconscious getting the message? I don't like you anymore. I barely know you anymore. We enjoy and tolerate each other as people living on the same planet, so how is this possible? I don't like you, I can't.
And yet, if I don't if I don't like you, why do I still get an excited feeling in my stomach when you're around? Why do I still wish I could talk to you and then go mute every time I try to? Why do I still wonder if you ever felt the same way, that at any time we might have shared the same feelings?
But, even though I act like I don't know the answer to these questions, I do. I know the answer to them all. I really do like you. Well, not you exactly, but the “you” I created in my mind. That you is amazing. That's why though I can never be truly comfortable around you. I will forever be tricking myself, just for short moments at a time, that you really are the person I built you up to be.

But you're probably not. Not that you're a bad person. I think you're really nice and would still love to be your friend. But there is always this tense awkwardness surrounding us when we talk. I would almost say we're both trying to keep a distance, and I don't think we know quite what to think of each other. Maybe that's for the best though.
All in all, boy, what I'm really trying to say is that you were my first real crush. So thanks, it was a fun (and occasionally heart-wrenching) experience. And also, thank you for giving me, in a round-about way, an ideal to look and wish for. I'm still hoping I'll find the “you” out there in some other form some day.
Love,
Girl



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This article has 3 comments. Post your own!

mitally<333 said...
Sept. 30, 2010 at 7:11 pm:
OMG! this relates to my life soo much! i luved a boy...i dreamed about him every single day! but eht wasn't really "him" but another imaginative boy in my mind. and i could tell eht was him who walked in da room juss like yuhh. <3
 
Meli14 replied...
Oct. 1, 2010 at 8:43 pm :

Really good writing im serous. This really kept me intruiged. Not that I can really relate to you but i still love it,

Melissa G.

P.S  I would love it if you can  take a look at my writing thanks.

 
Meli14 replied...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 7:28 pm :
Haha yeah, I had many errors. But im not sure how to fix them. Think you can help? oh thanks so much for your comment!(:
 
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