its astonishing. how quickly you can feel that smile melt off your face, how painful it is to let out that sigh of disappointment, how agonizing it is to be let down. to have all those hopes ripped out from under and you are left with nothing more than “suck it up”s and “no big deal”s. contrary to popular belief, no matter what the hope, the higher it is, the farther you fall. and you are at a point where all you can do is look up at them ; the ones who pushed you to your plummet, the ones who weren’t there, the ones who let you down. apparently you are too much of an inconvenience at this time, despite the fact that promises were made, expectations held high and hopes at stake. everything was too inconvenient. at the risk of everything, you chose to push me off the brink of it all. where all thats down there is nothing more than a blur of disappointment, rage, and sadness. where all that can be done is to loathe the ones that put us here, to imagine what its like where promises are kept and expectations met. to have someone reliable, someone that will be there. i would one day like to get back up there and see that place. but as of now, i’m not sure its real anymore.
August 27, 2010