Lost Soul

August 27, 2010
By Anonymous

Scared listening to the yelling everyday it becomes unbearable and then I begin to hurt my pain returns and I feel alone like I am walking down the street but not one person can see me.
School was a comfort I had friends always and I have lost my comfort and my boyfriend gone away somewhere else I feel like we are a million miles away, I feel so scared I want to cry I want to grab somebody and hide from them all.
I am keeping my head held high but it’s like I still get nervous and then the anxiety begins to attack and the tears begin to fall all I want in my life is to be my best, yet now I have been doing great and I am feeling overwhelmed.
I look to the night sky the stars shining bright and the moons silvery light glistening on the trees and if I listen in the distance I can hear a babbling brook; a child crying in the dark afraid of monsters but where does she go?
I have fallen before and it feels horrible I cry myself to sleep trying to get it all out I feel sick to my stomach I wish it wasn’t this way; I long for my great grandmother she always knew what to say she was one of my biggest supporters but now she is gone away.
I buried myself in pity always letting it pile up and now that she is gone I try to push my way through I know now sitting around waiting gets you nowhere, I have lost many things in my life but family Is the biggest one living in this home broken apart everybody is bleeding but no one knows where it started.
I want my lovers’ arms around me telling me it’s ok that I will make it through but those miles that it feels like he cannot do that.
Now I am being taught to be myself, what is wrong with tear shed every now and then absolutely nothing.
I have hidden behind a mask way to long and it is time for me to toss the mask away and show my true identity; true beauty comes from within if you look past my mask you see that beautiful girl longing for happiness and love.
I feel like a lost soul at times running in no direction just in slow motion going nowhere and everybody is looking and laughing I feel like they are all ready to jump me, yet I threw the mask away I grabbed the scraps and tried piecing it back but it will not prove anything.
We have been taught in society to be like everybody else and very few people have come out from under and show their true beauty their real selves if this was the case my fear would vanish, my hopes would change and this mask I hold so tight to me would turn to ashes and blow away.
This lost soul would feel better I could move freely everybody else would notice me and I would lose my mask they would see the real me, no I am not a size 0 I am not the straight A student who everybody is friends with I am that girl who is just as secretive as the next person in the hall.
I am that girl who is beautiful, strong, and smart that is the real me if I can bring her out and let go of this mask my fears would fade I would walk through as if nothing ever happened; I am a rose being masked by the leaves and thorns but slowly this wall this mask is breaking, crumbling and blowing away

The author's comments:
We mask ourselves to be the same as others, when we should be ourselves yet when you mask so long and you finally begin to let it go you get scared and grab for it again. You love your family they might have issues and you can become overwhelmed at times but you make it through, and I having one of the best guys I have ever dated am happy with it all. I wrote this to express my fears about being demasked and feeling alone amoung the crowd school has began and it is a bug highschool, I get very nervous my comfort zone was my friends and my family especially my boyfriend and last year my comfort was my mask an friends but now my mask is breaking I want to put it back up. I refuse to give up I may cry I may show how I feel but I am still standing strong against all the bad things that have been happening, through thick and thin you always have family and you always have friends even though some come and go it was worth it in the end.

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