All my life I’ve admired the people who are always happy and who are always making others happy. Always making people laugh and feel good about themselves and who are always confident in everything they do. They enjoy life and never have a bad thing to say. I’ve always wondered what made them that way. How are they always happy? How can they see a bright side to situations that seem all bad? I have always wanted to be like them, to be able to spread joy and happiness wherever I go, but some days stress and sadness seem to follow my like a cloud of gray. The devil just gets in my head and sits there telling me all my flaws and all of the bad things people must think of me. But when that happens I just talk to Jesus about it and about the things that are bothering me and he tells me in my heart to trust him. To let go and let him take control and everything will be alright. Sometimes I have a hard time doing that but it doesn’t stop me from trying. I try to be the example, to live up to people’s standards, and to be the kind of person people want to hang out with. But it gets tiring, sometimes I don’t even recognize myself. When People say “What’s up?” I just want to poor everything out but instead I just say “Nothin’ much.” That’s where swimming comes along, I go to swimming feeling kind of depressed, then two and a half hours later, I find myself feeling better than I have in weeks, because I can be myself around them and not worry about being judged. Working out in general gets me in a good mood. It gives me time to think about the important things in life: religion, church, God. It amazes me sometimes how much Jesus really loves me. Just think about it, He gave his life for me, for you, for everyone, and all he asks is one hour of our free time. One hour a week to go and love Him and receive his love and grace. It makes me so mad to here people say things like; “I didn’t go to Mass this weekend,” “Why not?” “I didn’t feel like it,” I just want to go up to them and say “HELLO! That’s not cool, it’s just stupid, the one chance a week you get to go and really be close to God and experience His love for you and you blew it off because you didn’t feel like it?” I want to be the person who can speak confidently about my faith to anyone and everyone who’s listening. But the devil gets in the way making me feel embarrassed and shy. When this happens I just think about that bible verse that says ‘if you are embarrassed of God, He will be embarrassed of you’ (I’m not sure if those are the exact words or what book it’s in but it’s somewhere in there) that verse always gives me courage. It gives me the courage to be an example to others. I want people to see me and think “Christian” I want people to know of my love of God just be looking at me. I want to be an inspiration. I want to be an inspiration and I want to be me.
September 10, 2010