What am I doing? She's right there. Right down the stairs. Right here in this very house,
and I'm up here, playing victim. Why can't I forgive her? Accept the fact that it's not
her hurting me. It's someone else, someone I don't know anymore. This stranger I call
family. This stranger I call my sister. I hold on to this petty grudge, this miniscule
event. Just another let down, but why this one? Why hold onto this one? Maybe it's not the
fact she let me down, but the fact that I still give her chances to let me down. She was
no more than three feet from me, and all I did was sit there and stare. Stare at this
person I used to know. Stare at the face of this distant memory. She was right there, and
all I managed to do was fix my eyes on my computer and ignore the blur of her figure in the
corner of my eye. Is this it? The part where I snap? The part where I push her out of my
life? She pushed me out of hers almost entirely, and yet I still try. I stil hold on.
Hoping, wishing, waiting, for the day where she pulls me back. But I'm not an idiot. I know
it'll never happen. The day will never come. She'll always be stuck in the middle of not
knowing whether to pick what she wants, or what she needs. And the day she does realize it,
if she ever does, it'll be gone. Gone without even a whisper. Nothing but a faded memory,
as the way she is to me. So now today I stab her in the heart. Words, ice cold, a voice
like a razer blade. I spat the words out, grabbed my things, got up and walked away. These
three words that cut her like a knife. "I don't care." Probably the biggest lie I've ever
told. I do care, probably more than anything I can think of right now, and yet, I said them.
I said them, got up and walked away from her. Just the way she's been doing it to me for
the past several years. I walked away, feeling the tears welt up behind her eyes, because
they were the same tears welting up behind mine. Instead of pulling her closer to me, I
push her away instead. I sit here and refuse to walk downstairs. I don't think I could
even look her in the eye without feeling like crying. She is dead to me. The person I once
knew, once loved, is no longer there. So I let go of her. I let her fall away from me.