This is definitely not how I expected it to be. I'm an excited, glowing mother, but the journey has been extremely complicated. Let's start at the beginning, two years back. I had a very good friend, J. We clearly had some serious feelings for each other; everyone knew it. He was about to deploy for the army however. Because of this, we decided to keep out status "good friends." While he was deployed I found another man who I liked a lot and eventually fell in love with. From time to time though I still, guiltily, found myself thinking about J as more than a friend. My chemistry with him faded a bit as mine with the new guy, A, got stronger. A. and I knew we didn't want kids yet so I got on birth control and we used extra protection every time. It seems to be that both failed however. A. and I eventually started fading out. I love him but I was in love with J. Then J. came back from war. Immedietly, all of the old feelings fired up twice as strong as before. I decided the best thing to do was break it off with A. I got with J. of course and we were pretty serious. He asked me to marry him before he deployed again, and I gladly said yes. Two days later I put an old shirt on and noticed it was too tight in certain areas. I yelled at myself, "how did I miss it!" I have always had high stress so I sometimes skip my time of the month for three or four months at a time. The past four months it hadn't come. I'd also been sick two days but it was on and off all day both days, so I thought it was a stomach bug. After all, A. and I had used two forms of contraception. After mentally kicking myself all day, I made an appointment with my doctor, who confirmed I was about sixteen weeks pregnant. I decided to tell my guys together, so I asked them both over for dinner and told them, "guys, I'm sixteen weeks pregnant." Naturally their jaws dropped. I expected to lose J. as a fiance, and I wasn't sure what to expect from A. They both sat in silence for a minute, then A. said "I'm going to be involved as if we were still together." At the same time J. said, "I'm going to be involved as if it's mine." Shockingly, all three of us giggled! A. trusted me completely and signed over his legal rights so that J. could adopt. This gave us the opportunity to give the baby all the benefits the military offers. J. signed a "prenuptial" that stated that though he was legally adopting, if he and I ever divorced, he could not file for custody. This was a reassurance for A. since he was losing legal rights. J. and I got married, and the three of us chose a name together. Our little boy has both fathers' last names. He lives with J. and I on the navy base. A. lives right outside the base and sees our boy all the time. We all go to the park together often, we take vacations together, and we have dinner together multiple times a week. The three of us all spend holidays together at each others families homes. We're a complicated family, but we're a fine family.
Oh Baby, Complicated!
August 21, 2010